Ask Lemmy

How strict is your sexual harassment policy?

Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was "what's the pay" and second "how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that".

They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.

As you can clearly see I'm white and male. When do I start?

“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”

This reminded me of:

I had one guy I interviewed tell me, unprompted, that all the women in the company would definitely feel comfortable around him.

Ok???

It was a fast no thank you. So I guess I’d do that.

Tell them they can't afford me

A few years ago I'd have said a Nazi salute.

But now I have to ask clarifying questions, like the location of the interview

"I like you guys. You're cool. All my other bosses were asshats."

• I only push to master
• I only deploy to prod on Fridays
• I am not available on the weekends

"Hi, I don't want this job, I'm just here because the job centre told me to apply if I want to continue receiving unemployment benefits."

I had to read that title a few times. As it potentially could be its own answer: offer a blowjob

…I know, I’ll see myself out now..

Would giving a blow job blow the job interview? 🤔

I don't know exactly, I'll just be myself.

“I’m a single parent, so it’s hard to work overtime without notice.”

"I do not believe the AI hype"

Pants go down to ankles

Underwear go down to ankles

And then the helicopter starts up

I'm autistic, trans and chronically ill.

Do you have gluten free food in the cafeteria? I can't have more than 4 people around me at any given time. Where's the toilet for non gendered people?

Should just about do it I suppose.

Dodge the handshake and go right in for the French kiss.

leans in close to the interviewer

“That’s where that smell was coming from.”

"Here's my card. If you wouldn't mind signing it and giving it back to me, we just need 30% to get a vote on forming a union."

"Thanks for your time, but this job isn't for me. I wish you good luck finding your candidate, though."

Instructions unclear, dyslexia made me blow the job interviewer.

Ask to clarify if it's really a blow job interview like I thought I read.

First, can you sign this form for my unemployment job search? Thanks bye.

not show up

Tell the truth. Corporate drones hate that more than anything.

"Workers of the world, Unite!"

brandishes a hammer and sickle

(Legal Disclaimer: I'm not a communist, I just think this scene would look so funny)

"Yup, that's me on the OSHA poster."

As soon as it begins, I'll put on that one rubber horse mask that's been a meme on and off for the last 20 or more years.

That in itself might be enough.

If not I may be forced to make horse noises. There's actually a sound that's called "blowing" I think is perfect for the situation, so I could technically "blow" the interview and still get the job if they're sufficiently unhinged.

Were it not for the potential for criminal damage, I would also stand abruptly before making the noise and then, with suitable timing, violently kick the chair backwards.

I think that could all fit nicely within 30 seconds.

Or, you know, I could just tell them the truth that my mental state is incredibly fragile and the tiniest amount of work stress or office politics is going to be detrimental to both myself and the company in very short order and that I should not have been sent there in the first place... but where's the fun in that?

I guess as the applicant, turn around and leave?

As the interviewer, also leave

Don't break eye contact during the entire interview and refuse to speak. Write all your answers on paper and slide them to the interviewer upside down.

I'll pick up a chair and throw it out of the window, start screaming "fuck you!" at everyone in earshot, and then whip out my dick and start pissing all over the place.

If they still hire me after that, I will work there until I retire.

Pick my nose and wipe it on the interviewer's desk, and acknowledge nothing.

Shit on the table, then yell at them to clean it up.