> Greentext

>be me
>chad body, assburgers mindset
>don't be blond twink who squats in the smith machine
>don't want to stare
>he has thot levels of thick glutes
>tiny wasp waist and slim hips
>some modest muscle development in arms and chest
>nothing compared to his massive glutes
>weird and obscene body type that puzzles me

>still be me
>happen to come into locker room right after twink comes out of showers with a towel wrapped around his hips
>don't be old beergut retiree boomer who spends seven hours a day in the sauna and in the locker room, every single day
>beergut guy is walking around bare naked like usual
>see things happening as if in slow motion
>gym twink is trying to get his clothes from his locker while his towel slowly slides down
>huge glutes are in danger of exposure
>old beergut guy approaches reaching for the twink
>not sure what he's trying to do but I don't like it
>jump up in between them and yell
>”Touch him and I’ll tear you limb from limb."
>Didn't know my voice goes that low
>old beergut skedaddles back into the sauna
>turn around, look down at gym twink
>he stutters, th-thanks
>say ”Cover your nipples”
>turn around and head to the showers, still in shorts and socks
>stay in there thirty minutes
>he's gone when I come out
How do I save this. /fit/?

>be me

>22 and poor in college

>deliver food for a restaurant for a few months

>sometimes people order takeout but don't pick it up

>if it happens late enough in my shift I get to take it home with me

>always ate the best those nights since it was free

>be me now, 35+

>started calling corporate restaurants and ordering takeout about a half hour before close

>always spoof the caller ID to show up as my ex wife

>been doing it for about 3 years

>never pick it up

>gives me a warm fuzzy feeling knowing i gave some young person a free meal and also my ex gets black listed from every restaurant in town