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somehow pretty good. the past few weeks were kind of dark for me, but this week has been much better. did some mushrooms with friends last weekend and have been in a much better mood since. had a cute girl over earlier in the week and had the best time ive had in a long time. had a job interview that i think went ok, and another place invited me to an onsite interview, which is one step closer to a job, and i even talked to a contact who has seen my work at my last job and is recommending me to other places.

i was able to bottom for the first time ever! thats huge for me because ive had a chronic anal fissure for like a decade, and pretty much thought i would never be able to bottom, which made me incredibly depressed sometimes. but i found a couple papers about manual techniques for healing anal fissures that only requires some lube and your fingers. one said to do a rectal massage for 10 minutes twice a day, where you put one finger inside and move it around in a circle. i did that for a few weeks and it made such a huge difference, i could even have bowel movements without pain, which i havent been able to do for a couple years. another one said manually stretching the anal sphincters can help resolve chronic anal fissures. in the paper they basically say put two fingers inside and pull the rectum open. it was paywalled and i couldnt find it for free, so i dont have the full procedure, but they showed something like a 95% success rate for resolving chronic anal fissures, which is insane. thats comparable to the surgery but without the risk of incontinence. like somehow goatse is really good for your anal health lol. i figured the method of stretching wouldnt matter except that you dont want to hurt yourself so ive been using toys just because theyre easier. all of this added up to me being able to bottom! gonna keep up the stretching and become the bestest bottom i can be lol.

oh also i did some shopping and found some new clothes that im really excited to wear. one of them is my new favorite dress, it just fits so well and shows off my little boobs and makes me feel very feminine. i found some black high rise skinny jeans that fit me too, which ive been looking for for a long time. now i finally have some cute pants to go with all my cute tops lol. just need to find a nice high rise mid length black skirt with some belt loops and ill be a long way to having the wardrobe i want.

i know my mental health hasnt been very good lately, and my mood can take a dark turn pretty quickly, so im trying to enjoy the positive things that are happening. hopefully i can try to keep them in mind the next time things feel really bad.