this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2026
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Programming
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Yes, on my imaginary forum you have to submit your new account application in the form of a handwritten note - on carbon paper, so I can tell that an actual pen or pencil pressed against the page - along with a $10 processing fee that goes directly to my beer fund. People who don't know what carbon paper is are automatically excluded from my forum.
Once approved, all posts need to be submitted in a similar manner, along with a transcription fee of $15 to compensate for me having to read (a) your god-awful handwriting , and (b) your god-awful post.
I aim to have all posts and comments processed within 20 business days. To this date I have always comfortably beaten that metric, seeing that nobody has posted anything yet.
How do you know that you know what carbon paper is? What if it's not about writing it down, but the carbon(friends) we made along the way? And given that we're all made of carbon, does that make you antifriend? And you know who wasn't very friendly? Nazis. So you're basically a Nazi if you think you shouldn't admit people who don't knownwhat carbon paper is.
Checkmate, lib
Your Honor, I move to dismiss this entire course of reasoning presented by the prosecution, by the simple fact that it was NOT, presented to me carbon copied in duplicate for review, and as per the terms and conditions of my fictitious forum, all submissions must be expressly submitted via such means, and I shall quote DIRECTLY here, under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that "all offers shall become null and void if" - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy - "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained," et cetera, et cetera... "Fax mentis, incendium gloria cultum," et cetera, et cetera... "Memo bis punitor delicatum"!
It's all there! Black and white, clear as crystal! YOU stole Fizzy-Lifting Drinks! YOU bumped into the ceiling, which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you GET... NOTHING! YOU LOSE! GOOD DAY, SIR!
...sir? Have you even checked my gender privilege card yet? It clearly says FEMBOY
I miss Gene Wilder.