Ask Lemmy

I don't like to think of people as immutably good or bad, but I get what you meant.

There's a bunch of factors.

• are they honest?
• are they kind?
• do they care about things other than themselves?
• do they try to make the world better?

So, someone who lies, is cruel, doesn't care about anyone else, and leaves the world a mess is being a pretty bad person.

Someone who just keeps their head down, goes to work, and is polite to people they meet is kind of middling.

I've always struggled with it, so I've learned to ask someone better at character judgement than I.

I used to check with my dog. Then I met my wife and found out over a year how moral she was and how consistently she applied those morals. Now I ask her.

I mainly believe that most people are a product of their circumstances and how they have decided to cope with their experiences. But imo, a good person regularly does things that benefit others without any benefit to themselves. Especially if they're not obligated to do it. Good people are kind (but not a pushover) to everyone, even if someone is unkind to them.

On the other end of the spectrum, bad people do things that hurt others even if it is of no benefit to themselves. They are unkind even if it takes nothing off of them to be kind.

By watching show they behave when they can get away with doing the bad things.

Everyone will name some virtue they consider themselves to possess, and then use that to judge someone else.

I do the same thing almost everyone else in here actually does. I ask, 'how much are they like me?' Because, we all think of ourselves as being a good person. If I'm shocked and repulsed by something they do, because I wouldn't do that, then they are a "bad" person.

A few will say the opposite, "If they don't do what I do, then they're better than me, so they're probably a 'good' person." Because to those few, self-depreciation makes them a "good" person.

The book “Sapiens” does a good job framing this. Humans are social creatures. Our social groups define their own norms, mores, values, etc. To be “good” is to align with those values. Clashes happen when groups with vastly different values interact. The old adage “if you were born where they were born, and you were raised how they were raised, then you would believe what they believe” applies here, even though this isn’t always true.

The Internet makes this problem more stark. Our groups aren’t based on location anymore; our neighborhood, our school, our church. We can find our group(s) that align with and reinforce us any time we want. It’s also upset the typical way we define our values, and our society is struggling to catch up.

So long way of saying, good or bad relies on context and the values of those you’re close with.

But fuck people who don’t return their shopping cart. They’re just plain bad.

If they try to ingratiate themselves too aggressively, if they make way too good eye contact and smile so big and are effusively positive, and they make the hairs on the back of my neck crawl, I know it’s highly likely I’m interacting with a sociopath or psychopath.

Everyone that’s normal has a chance to be good or evil and it changes over time.

If the person hits the trigger points above though I know they aren’t going to be a stable actor to deal with because they will lack empathy, be utterly self serving, and never feel guilt for their actions.

I’ve encountered quite a few of these people in my years and they often are in positions of authority because they are really good at fooling and manipulating people.

I don’t know if this is good or bad but I definitely try to avoid or at least ring fence people like this when I encounter them.

This might be a hot take. I have a hard time with people who constantly drives above the speed limit. To me it says a lot about who they are.

E.g.

• they believe that rules don't apply to them

• that they are egoistic

• that they are reckless and can't foresee the potential consequences.

• that they lack empathy

I don't think people can be divided into good and bad, I think it's more of a spectrum. I generally judge how good a person is by the virtues they show in their actions. I like when people take accountability for their actions, are kind to others, do what's right even if it's difficult, are honest, and their actions align with what they claim to believe.

I believe people can be good in different ways. I had a friend who had some batshit insane religious beliefs (Baptist), like she said it was worse to kill yourself than someone else, because then you couldn't repent. But she would do anything for a friend, I had an emergency and she kept my kids even though she had a job interview, as an example. So she was good in actions and I'd argue evil in beliefs.

I have a coworker who is so mean & cutting, complains relentlessly about her husband, prickly person but does a great job at her job, loves her dog, and is great to work with because she Gets Shit Done. Is she good? Bad ?

I guess my bottom line criteria is can you care about others in at least some way, so empathy or sympathy is what makes it possible to be good.

You really don't know until you need something from them.

But even good people may not be able to help you if they're not able to right that moment.

Finding good willing people seems to be more of a numbers game.

Good old fashioned eye/smell test.