As I said, short. Quite short!

In July of 2022, I used LSD for the first time. Today, I have my sights set on Switzerland, and my goal is to advance psychotherapy and pharmaceutical medications.

A primary goal is to create an alternative to a traditional opioid, targeting the kappa opioid receptor--featuring effective analgesia, no psychoactive effect, no addiction liability, no dependence, and no toxicity. I also want to advocate for safe recreational substance use--and, hopefully, shut alcohol down. I wish to push further for the implementation of psychotherapy for conditions such as PTSD and depression. There is so much we don't know.

How did we get here?

First, 2020.

COVID hit hard, and I'm no exception. I was apathetic, bordering on omnicidal, and, overall, not very far from dying. I was also an ardent asshole that didn't need help from anyone. I continued further and further down this spiral--suppressing my emotions, dismantling my connection to my past, becoming a shut-in despite desperately needing interaction. I was in a fairly bad way. That, and school was not making things any better.

I came across a post on Reddit detailing new findings in depression research--psychedelics help. A lot. It caught my eye.

This is how I was, very literally, handed a red pill. Not the blue pill that the right has decided to dye red, but the red pill that our lovely Wachowski friends made a metaphor out of. This is how my world view became challenged.

I read the absolute shit out of the subject. I was captivated. This rabbit hole went deep--and, oh boy, was reality not what it seemed. In short, fuck Nixon's racist ass.

On to projects like The Drug User's Bible (particularly through a post relating to a Vice article.. rest in peace, Vice), the works of Alexander and Ann Shulgin, projects like Erowid and PsychonautWiki, and, today, organisations like TripSit.

It was painfully obvious that psychoactives were meant for me. Thus, did our journey begin.

It started with sourcing. Turns out, sourcing is hard. I asked around, to no luck, or to find I wasn't the only one that tried.. until one day.

June of 2022.

2022 is when I first microdosed, just to get a feel for it. The tabs must have been rather weak, as it wasn't all too strong. As I'd learn later, they definitely were weak--my current single tab doses feel approximately like two local tabs. I approximate 50-75μg Regardless, easily manageable at a perhaps 20μg dose.

Next came vacation. I brought the tabs with me, and planned on doing them on a good day. So how did that go?

Well, to start.. it didn't. One hour in, nothing. Waited longer.. nothing. It appears that LSD has stopped responding.

Welp, it was a dud. Anyways, I took a pipe hit.

...OOOOOOUUUCH!!!!

I headed to the bathroom to hack my lungs out, when... there we go! So how did that go?

Well, to start, I was saying "DUUUUUUUUUUUDE" a lot. Like.. a lot. The headspace was very stoner, is perhaps the best term. I was in very little control, though it was highly euphoric. I have largely failed to replicate that euphoria until starting to dose higher recently. It was, by all means, a good trip. It was devoid of anxiety, until going outside. It was night, and I didn't like the trees moving around. I simply said "too scary out here" and remained indoors.

Visuals were not particularly strong, but it was obvious this was LSD. I had done mushrooms prior this same vacation. I'll note I went into public on my very first (mild) trip, and was fine. I did LSD again 2 days later, and I don't know how I didn't have a tolerance. Again, nice ride--a little more under control.

I had determined that I love this, and my assumption that this was for me was 100% correct. Little did I know, though, that I was an overachiever.. and shooting for 1,000%.

And then 10,000%.

And then 100,000%.

I did mushrooms with a friend, tripped LSD on my own on various occasions, and kept noting how each and every time, I gained a little more control. My brain was adjusting. It's as if I had a latent skill being slowly awoken. Even during a disaster which unfortunately occurred with a friend during a group trip, I remained quite calm.

Well, let's try a million.

In comes 2025. I am 21.

So you know what salvia divinorum is? Notorious stuff. Abjectly terrifying in high doses. By all means, for the worthy.

I did it. I was doing it wrong, but I did do it. We'll learn later why doing it wrong was about to screw me over a little. By all means, salvia was a gentle ride (because I was doing it wrong, oh God).

Next, fucking Benadryl. And DXM. In combination. By the way, please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't

300mg/300mg was perfectly manageable, and highly enjoyable. I'm keeping it to a super rare once a year occasion, if that. It's a fascinating visual ride, but no delirium. As well as this, it's just dangerous. Let's not do delirium, and keep even low doses infrequent, yeah?

How about Ayahuasca?

Even that was gentle. My body doesn't seem to work correctly with it, though. It hits faster than it should, and is a short experience. Something is weird with me there.

DMT?

Trivial. Haven't broken through, but it's easy. I'm not a fan of the tingly sensation, but the visual ride is fascinating.

MDMA, of course, is trivial. However, I have very little control over it--less than any other substance. At one point, I wanted some me time, and instead became hypersocial and extremely sweet.

Okay, let's combine DXM and LSD.

Hey, we got something! The first hour was slightly unsettling! The rest, however, was the best day of my life.

...LSD, MDMA, THC, DMT?

Fuck it, salvia extract.

Major leagues! I had wondered why it wasn't working (I was doing it wrong God help me) and decided to investigate. Turns out, our lovely active compound, salvinorin A, needs heat. I can't blame Sally--She wants you to bring as much heat as She wants to. Gotta match Her energy.

I'm going to retell this story as I had forgotten the details when I made my post on it. (Link soon)

I sat outside on the porch of a downtown area (you moron) and got my torch lighter (fuck). I lit up, inhaled, and.. YEOUCH, that's some thick smo..oh.

oh god.

Within about eight seconds, I was at my strongest dose ever. Mission abort, exhale early--

Nine, ten, eleven..

"Oh SHIT, GET INSIDE!!"

So I practically leaped out of my chair, and into the foyer. I was now as high as I had ever been in my life.

Thirteen, fourteen, PAUSE! Did you know this is how long you're supposed to hold a hit? Fifteen, sixteen..

So I got into the foyer, realised I had just left my bong there, returned to get it, picked it up, and went back (I DIDN'T BREAK IT!?). I don't remember why, but I put it down (to grab the lighter instead? I found that outside after too, might have abandoned ship). The thing I remember next is once again standing at the doorway.

To my right, a stack of foyers. I saw duplications of myself closing the door. The door closed. One second later, the next. Then the next. Then the next. Then the next. Then the next.. until it reached me--and I closed the door.

...And I closed the door.

And I closed the door. And I closed the door. And I closed the door. And I closed the door. And I closed the door. And I closed the door. And I closed the door. And I clo--

Each step to my left, I was facing the foyer. I'd never rotated in a negative direction before, but here we aren't.

(I hope this is as fun to read as it is to type, praise salvia)

Anyways, I somehow fumbled into the foyer in this disastrous state, and somehow closed the door one more time for good measure. At my right, a void closed in on my vision. I was a clock hand, and I rotated toward my right.. towards the end.

I was approaching midnight.

”WHERE'S THE DOORKNOB!?”

I reached out to the incorrect floor, and..

"OH SHIT,"

It's in my hand.

"IT'S IN MY HAND."

There it is! And so is the door! Ooh, and--

"OH SHIT--"

..the apartment, the Earth, quite possibly the entire universe..

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

..the clock just struck midnight.

Well, to say the least, this was enthralling! I was now a spinning, amorphous thing--half my body gone, the other half being stretched in all manners of infinite directions on infinite axes. Great!

At some point, I started banging on things, hoping to break out (how the hell was I still standing--) and eventually felt a thud (never mind!). I persisted, noticing a hole opening. I was almost free.

I eventually broke free from this realm, and was helped up by my room mate. I noticed a void in the floor slowly being filled in.

I turn to my room mate, dumbfounded, and simply say "...WHAT the FUCK!?"

I asked what happened. Nothing happened.

And then I remembered I smoked salvia. For the first time this trip, I was lucid.

"REALITY JUST... LEFT?"

Yes it did. Let's get you to bed--but not before getting your precious big ass bong--

"Where did you leave the mouthpiece?"

Where is the mouthpiece.

Bong, lighter, where is the mouthpiece.

WHERE IS THE MOUTHPIECE.

I searched around everywhere--inside, outside.. and I eventually found it.

A piece of it.

I had been holding it, because I released the smoke.. and never put it down.. until I forgot to keep holding it.

The rest is still missing.

Anyways, I was ready to dive right back in after that, so, clearly, that wasn't enough to do me in.

Alright, now for my most recent endeavour. Just add acid™!

Nope! Not even my highest dose of LSD, in combination with salvia (plain leaf, non-extract, so weaker), was enough. It was fascinating, albeit brief. It was quite strong as well, nearly touching the previously described experience. I accidentally started shouting my thoughts aloud, though, so I hope nobody heard me. Still, my mother got home during this, and I demonstrated something very cool.

I was trying to represent one of the visuals with my arms, and noticed they were moving by themselves. I had an idea. I reached my arm out, pointed my forearm toward my chest, then let gravity do the work, making sure to not just let it fall.

My arm became a clock, rotating at a steady pace. To the viewer, it's clockwise. This isn't just a feature of the high--this was a demonstration of the kappa opioid receptor's function relating to motor control. In real time. Call me Bill Nye right now.

Very cool. Also, it still works--I did it today. I tried it with my left arm to see if it'd go up instead of down to maintain clockwise rotation, which I think broke something. Neither arm rotated the second time. Anyone know a technician?

Ketamine jumpscare!

This was after starting this post, in fact. I dosed 250mg orally, which was a little scary. It was quite strongly dissociative, and was actually a little scary. Still, it was nice. It might have been the scariest experience I've had.. until it just wasn't anymore. It evened out, and it was a very interesting and fascinating ride. Not only that, but I talked, typed, and walked.

I give up.

Anyways, that's all fun, but what about the science?

Science is pretty much just as fun as the experience, actually. I'm keeping it super surface level, though. Read into geometry, how the brain generates it, and how different compounds generate different imagery. Look into the functions of different receptors, and how modulation of these receptors translate to effect.

I already mentioned this at the start of the post, but I noticed salvia is analgesic. It doesn't just dull pain, but it seems to make internal sensation vanish entirely, and replaces it with a uniform stinging on the skin. It's weird, but I personally like it. What I want to focus on is the effect of the body seeming to vanish. It is an surprisingly effective painkiller.

Again, no toxicity whatsoever, does not cause any side effects (including no respiratory depression, a huge feature!), no addiction liability, no tolerance, but is obviously too intense of a psychoactive to warrant medical use for pain. However, we can explore different compounds which target the same receptor, but interact differently.

Hypothetically, we could produce a kappa opioid receptor agonist which targets pathways within the receptor involved in pain management. Reduce its ability to cross the blood-brain barrier (which salvinorin A does easily), and you reduce its psychoactive effect. Compare salvinorins or other KOR agonist structures, and you've got yourself a map to work with.

This is an active area of research, which I had discovered based on a hunch. It just sort of made sense to me. Undoubtedly meant to happen.

I've also applied this sort of knowledge to my own life. I noticed during my transition that I seemed to be having some emotional insensitivity--estradiol seemed to be fighting something. I looked into it, and learned THC downregulates CB1 and dopamine receptor activity. CB1 and dopamine regulate reward and motivation, but, specifically, mood and emotion. Indeed, I noted depleted mood, emotional attachment, motivation and rewarding sensations while I was sober. I largely ceased use.

In comes CBD, which doesn't have psychoactive property, but certainly does the opposite of THC--boosting dopamine activity. This should make it an effective and practical tool in my transition. It should also reduce my addiction liability due to dopaminergics producing relatively lower jumps in dopamine receptor activity, now that dopamine activity is perpetually higher.

LSD has been an effective aid in my self image due to its activity on the 5-HT2A receptor--a receptor I need to refer to quite a lot.

It seems that ADHD and autism mesh very well with the modulation of learning, in combination with the expansion of the mind. It truly is a shame that this is the compound that lands you in prison, and then there's alcohol.

Indeed--the compound that has killed zero people, and caused zero motor related incidents, is much more dangerous than the compound that kills over 100,000 innocents a year in the US alone.

Of course, we know the real reason it remains banned--it'd get people challenging narratives. We can't have that, because we'd get female presidents!

You can't keep the public asleep forever.

LSD has essentially erased my personal need for Adderall. I'm thankful I can occasionally have some fun, instead of becoming dependent on a prescription medication with various negative health effects. By no means will this work for everyone, but I see potential here. It's worked wonders for my image and personality, as well as motivation.

And that's merely the substance journey itself. That's glossing over how much they made me start paying attention.

I've seen LSD described as a microscope that looks inward. This is how I discovered my identity wasn't as it had seemed. It felt as if I had to reach for emotions--across a ravine, or through a barrier. I felt distant from myself, and psychedelics got me in touch. This is eventually what let me to start my transition.

Oestrogens boost resonation with emotions (it also modulates the 5-HT2A receptor, meaning that all women trip balls). This trait is fairly well known. On a particular DMT session seemed to break down a wall--I cried for no particular reason. The emotions just freely flowed. I was with my friends during the session, and described it as "feeling for the first time".

After ceasing cannabis use, I recall crying in my bed, and crying during a tense scene in a game. It worked. I'd fulfilled my goal.

Not only this, but I now feel a drive to find new clothing. I now have an eye for fashion, and have preferences. Previously, I got whatever felt comfortable and covered me appropriately, but now get excited over the idea of new clothes. Getting new bras, trying them on, and seeing how they look is so refreshing. I'd fuck up some super short jeans.

I've styled my hair as seen in the photo. It looks great! I just need it to be longer, and I need to give the transition its time to do its thing. Probably need to thin the eyebrows a little, but it's looking good!

That's not even all.

Cannabis cessation (and continuing LSD use) had accidentally made me touch grass. God dammit, how am I gonna play League now!?

Let me just provide a list of changes this month:

• Started maca root supplementation. Supports energy levels, muscles, brain function, supports libido and various aspects of sexual function (actually helpful here as I'm kind of attached to my physiology), improves mood, reduces stress, and balances hormones (super useful!)
• Drink pomegranate juice daily. It's obviously an antioxidant, and also has a myriad of health benefits
• Supplement omega-3 and choline from milk. Choline is required in acetylcholine production, an important neurotransmitter relating to brain function. Omega-3 supports heart and vascular health, reduces inflammation, among many other benefits
• Supplement an alpha brain complex containing l-tyrosine, l-theanine, oat extract, huperzine a, and various other ingredients. These all relate to choline
• Daily, I walk, jog, stretch, and meditate
• I plan on supplementing CBD for its Star Wars intro of benefits
• Reduced salt intake
• Stopped crossing my legs, supporting vascular function
• Reducing shower temperatures
• Stopped skipping meals, and target three meals daily--previously struggling with two, and sometimes barely got one

Transition, physical and mental health improvements, a major career option. I had no New Year's resolution this year, and my goodness did I not need one. The benefits are already obvious; Last LSD trip, my dose was as high as ever, and my blood pressure remained in normal range (119/72! No, that is not a factorial). LSD should cause vasoconstriction, but this remained only a part of the trip, and my heart rate was normal. My circulation has radically improved.

Life feels so much better than 2020.

This post is kind of aimless, and just yapping, but I'm doing incredibly well in the face of chaos. In a few short years, I went from wanting to burn it all down, to wanting to build it back up. I'm sure most will just see the image and scroll by, but I hope someone is motivated by some of my joyous whimsy, or my stories.

V wants YOU to do well in the face of chaosm We need all hands on deck--do not back down. I'm confident anyone reading this has the ability to get on track. Just put your mind to it. I found what works for me, and all you need to do is to find what works for you. I encourage others to share their hardships--I'd love to engage. I want to help as many people as I can.

I will see you lovely folks in the comments!