this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2026
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Mental Health

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How to stop work anxiety impacting the rest of my life? (feddit.uk)
submitted 1 day ago by ambitiousslab@feddit.uk to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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I'm a people pleaser. I have anxiety and depression thanks to some trauma. I've been in therapy for a little over a year.

Objectively, I'm doing ok at work. I have always met expectations. However, it takes a lot out of me. I always try to meet people's expectations because disappointing people feels unbearable. Because of the ability to break things, I often shirk responsibility and make myself unreliable in subtle ways

My experience in work has a big impact on my wellbeing outside. Due to forcing my way through the anxiety, I feel very tired and often have to rest (lying down in the dark, not interacting with anyone) for several hours on evenings and weekends.

At the moment, I am lying in bed most of the day and having 2-3 panic attacks per day (by panic attack, I mean that my heart starts beating really strongly and quickly, and my breathing feels like it's running away from me).

I think my difficulties are almost certainly related to the trauma. I have a lot of trepidation around, and fawn a lot with the colleagues that set me tasks, even though I can see objectively that I am not in any danger.

I have been trying to set more boundaries, be more upfront and stop this fawning. I am making some (slow) progress, but I still have a real lack of energy outside of work, and spend a lot of time anxious about the next working day. It's impacting my life a great deal.

Does anyone have any similar experiences, or ideas of how to stop these situations from having such a big effect on the rest of my life?

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[–] foggy@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

All these things you're feeling are super normal. Not fun, but not terribly worrisome beyond discomfort. Not trying to minimize. It still sucks. I know.

lying in bed most of the day and having 2-3 panic attacks.

  1. Exercise. Nobody having a tough time wants to hear it, I know. Replaying conversations and ruminating and wondering if you read their reaction right or if you said the right thing or if you fucked something up or if they were just being nice or... omfg it's exhausting.

You know what else is exhausting? Exercise. It's impossible to do both. Go walk up a steep hill. If you can still ruminate, walk faster. You will be all consumed with focusing on your breathing. Bonus points if there's a view at the top. Don't forget to bring water.

I have a lot of trepidation around, and fawn a lot with the colleagues that set me tasks

  1. Try writing. You might be real good at organizing thoughts but pen and paper is better. Guaranteed. It can be a vent for the frustrating feelings you are (seemingly) burying, which are (probably) exhausting you.

Even though I can see objectively that I am not in any danger.

  1. Go do something (safe) you'd never do. Like a dance class, or singing lessons. Not for intuitive reasons, but to expand your window of tolerance for discomfort in otherwise nonthreatening situations. If you fuck up at work it could have real consequences and that can make anxiety feel real and present when it isn't actually a present threat (we tend to do a bit of magical thinking when we anxiously ruminate. Make lots of assumptions etc). Go create that feeling and learn to sit in it and tolerate it. But make it fun.

but I still have a real lack of energy outside of work and spend a lot of time anxious about the next working day. It's impacting my life a great deal.

Again, exercise. Just go for an hour long walk or something. Get your heart working. You might be surprised how much our heart health affects our emotional states (particularly the transition between those states, and how it feels; this is mostly blood pressure but also heart rate related). The ruminating, the exhaustion, it's real. Make it physical, your heart will thank you and your emotions will follow

One more thing: get out of your head. What do I mean? Focus on your senses. When you're overwhelmed, thinking about something PAST or FUTURE, stop. Name 5 things you see. 4 things you hear. 3 things you feel (physical touch, like your shirt on your shoulders). 2 things you smell. 1 thing you taste. This will force your brain to cut the ruminative loop and get present, back down to earth and out of your own assho--head. Out of your own head. :)

Does anyone have any similar experiences, or ideas of how to stop these situations from having such a big effect on the rest of my life?

Literally decades of experiences. Only other advice I have is recognize what you do to numb out. Is it drink? Smoke weed? Doom scroll? Sleep? Recognize this is a maladaptive coping mechanism that is shrinking your window of tolerance for discomfort.