Itβs hard to understand what you are trying to say here. You can use Google Translate if English is not your first language.
I assume you are having trouble with your ethnicity and your sexual orientation. Itβs okay. Itβs a personal journey. Take your time. You can share your works here.
As for your living situation, you can start by going to your local LGBTQ center and asking for help. They are very helpful and compassionate.