dual_sport_dork

I already do. Flip a coin: Heads, the car is operating itself and is therefore being operated by a moron. Tails, the owner is driving it manually and therefore it is being operated by a moron.

Just be sure to carefully watch your six when you're sitting at a stoplight. I've gotten out of the habit of sitting right in the center of the lane, because the odds are getting ever higher that I'll have to scoot out of the way of some imbecile who's coming in hot. That's hard to do when your front tire is 24" away from the license plate of the car in front of you.

Easy: "Everyone I don't like is either a shill or a bot!"

or the equivalent for woman and be done with it.

You'll probably find that one to be more difficult than you think, especially in these regressive times.

It's all pipes, Jerry!

We're sorry, we can't accept a check for the amount of "NaN."

A metric ton, anyway, and provided whatever you want is water.

The obvious answer: Use your replicator to replicate more replicators.

The correct answer: The Young Lady's Illustrated Primer.

The clever dick corollary: 1m^3^ is actually quite a large volume, and ain't no rule says you can only replicate one object at a time. If whatever luxury item or commodity you want is small in volume, which it probably is, don't forget you can replicate a whole bunch of it within a meter cube.

I have absolutely no idea what I'd do with this but I want one.

There you go.

And the Greeks were reportedly setting ships on fire with sunlight and mirrors millennia ago.

I addressed that in another comment here. The long and short of it (very long, as it happens) is that the volume you'd need is still the same. So your elongated balloon would have to be well beyond what most people would consider to be ridiculously tall. 325.5 meters tall, in fact, given the 0.75 meter diameter I assumed to start with. I figure most people could probably stand in a 0.75m circle provided they didn't wave their arms around a bunch.

I'm positive competent nerds make up none of their earnings, because we've all been pirating Microsoft software ever since we were tall enough to reach the keyboard.

Brake fluid?

Regular DOT3 brake fluid is quite harmful to paint especially if it's unnoticed and won't be cleaned off for several hours. You can pump the stuff through rubber brake lines no problem, so I imagine a balloon would be able to survive it.