this post was submitted on 30 Jul 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] arctanthrope@lemmy.world 84 points 1 week ago (2 children)

if an 8 minute round trip saves you $15, then you're essentially paying yourself $112.50/hr to be your own delivery driver

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And yet the delivery driver makes fuckall.

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 week ago

That's the part that's criminal about delivery fees not going to the driver. My nephew used to deliver for a pizza place but then switched to Uber Eats after his pizza company outsourced and fired all the drivers.

People place orders and see that they're paying a delivery fee, a service fee, and a higher menu price than ordering in the store and then think that they don't need to tip much (if anything) because surely that money is going to the driver doing the actual work and deliverying the food.

But nope, the driver gets paid very little for taking an order. The tip is the vast majority of their salary. My nephew will show me screenshots of orders that he gets that will be like "drive 10 miles to pickup the order, then 5 miles to picked the second piece of the order, then 10 miles to deliver it - for $2.00."

What's worse is that since companies have figured out they can hide this from consumers and get away with it, they've expanded to stuff like "same day delivery" from retail stores. Customers think "same day delivery" is the equivalent to an item being shipped, so would never consider tipping. But it turns out those services are also going through delivery drivers like Uber Eats, meaning someone will pick up a retail order in their own car and get paid next to nothing without tips (which most people don't even think to pay).

Tipping in lieu of salary is a scam.

[–] Ice@lemmy.zip 20 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah that's some pretty insane cost/benefit for time.

It's one of those things I like doing to encourage myself to do things. "OK so if I do this thing by myself, what am I 'getting paid'?"

...and then I compare that to the number of hours I'd have to work to earn the same amount of money (after taxes).

That's something my father taught me. Always consider what your time is worth. Invest 2 hours just to save 8 Euro? Not a great deal for most people.

[–] TheFerrango@feddit.it 80 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Pizza shop is 4 minutes away

Orders delivery

Joke’s on OP

[–] nullspace@lemmy.world 44 points 1 week ago (14 children)

Ordering a personal taxi for your food instead of walking a few blocks is peak American.

[–] abysmalpoptart@lemmy.world 38 points 1 week ago

To be fair, typically in America (outside of major cities and certain planned neighborhoods), 4 minutes away implies by car. Even if driving only 20mph (unlikely), the pizza shop would be a minimum 1.3 miles away, which would be more like a 30+ minute walk for a pizza.

On top of that, there's almost no safe walking paths by design. You would likely have to traverse major roads with no sidewalks, crosswalks, or even pedestrian stop lights.

It's an unfortunate design that many are stuck with.

[–] HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (13 children)

Unironically, yes.

It doesn't occur to most Americans to walk a bit instead of drive.

This is exacerbated by the design of American neighborhoods that discourages walking and encourages driving, which of course becomes a feedback loop where Americans don't walk because their neighborhoods aren't designed for it - or worse - designed against it, and so our neighborhoods are designed for people who don't walk, etc.

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[–] LodeMike@lemmy.today 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

You walk at a brisk pace!

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[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 37 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If it's 4 minutes away why not walk? The fuck?

[–] Zorcron@lemmy.zip 63 points 1 week ago (1 children)

They probably mean a 4 minute drive, which would be like a 30 minute walk, assuming you can cross the 6-lane monstrosity of a road that the pizza place is on without being smushed by a lifted F-250.

[–] altkey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Or half a mile if you have a couple junctions with red lights ahead, like around the block. Anon could've been living in a flat over said pizza joint for all we know. Or they are just a liar, who also have a crush on delivery driver, so they order pizza to see them again.

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[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (13 children)

It's remarkable how much people will complain about delivery fees and refuse to cook themselves, or even go out and buy premade food

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[–] Bad_Ideas_In_Bulk@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

While there is nutrition value to some bugs, most grasses pass undigested through the human gut. We are not ruminants Also if you leave bugs for a chicken to eat, you can have eggs instead.

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 6 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Don't mention keeping chickens on Lemmy, you'll get some vegan telling you how unethical it is to have a chicken and eat its eggs

[–] whyNotSquirrel@sh.itjust.works 18 points 1 week ago

eating bugs isn't vegan neither tho

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[–] Lodespawn@aussie.zone 22 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

I assume op just burned and extra $5 for fun as part of this whole interaction..

[–] SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Rawrosaurus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)

Is that not already included in the price in the US? I don't live in the US, this is a genuine question.

Tax is not included in listed prices in the USA.

It's infuriating.

The state that I lived in there had a tax at restaurants. Each town was allowed to add up to a percent to that. Some did 0%, some 0.5% some 1%. Also, alcohol was taxed at a different rate.

So basically you had no idea what the actual cost for food would be when you ordered.

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[–] sepiroth154@feddit.nl 4 points 1 week ago

He used coins as extra topping.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

$10 + $7 + $2 or $3 = $19 or $20. Sales tax would be less than a dollar. Anon's unhealthy lifestyle is causing cognitive decline

[–] tmyakal@infosec.pub 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

sales tax would be less than a dollar

Entirely locality dependent. Where I live, tax on a $20 tab would be a little under $2. I know there's some municipalities where it'd be as high as $2.40.

So, sure, technically still not $25, but once you need more than a $20 bill, it's not obscene to round up to the nearest $5.

[–] protist@retrofed.com 4 points 1 week ago

Where I'm at, I'm pretty sure sales taxes aren't assessed on the fees, only on the product

[–] bequirtle@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

you see, the delivery fee is $7, but then you also have to pay $5 in "other fees", whatever that means

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[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Many Americans don’t have healthy grass if they have grass in the first place. In many places in the US keeping a pristine grass yard requires a shit ton of human intervention, which means fertilizers and a ton of chemicals. Since grass isn’t native to those areas.

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

honestly the way some of you talk about America you make it seem like Ethiopia

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[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)

People in Australia are literally like the OP and then say there's a cost of living crisis unironically

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 15 points 1 week ago (11 children)

Right? If they didn't order 25 dollar avocado toast every day, they'd be able to afford a house by the time they're 70.

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[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Imagine this. People should be able to afford delivery pizza.

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (10 children)

I mean you can but back in the olden days (the 90's) take away pizza was a treat not dinner every night and before the 90's going out to a restaurant was a treat there was no delivery

He's also 4 minutes away from the pizza shop, just go out and pick it up ya fatty

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Second anon is an illuminati lizard person shill tryna get people to eat bugs.

[–] moopet@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This post has literally inspired me to order a pizza for my lunch today rather than open the fridge.

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[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

I don't know if they deliver to the USA, but this electric pizza cooker is amazing:

https://a.aliexpress.com/_EHPM5iA

It gets twice as hot as a normal oven in a few minutes and makes amazing pizza. You can buy dough, pizza sauce, and shredded cheese - or make all of these from scratch very easily.

It doesn't take a lot of space. My rough estimate is that it uses the same electricity as cooking pizza in an oven.

If you're spending $25 on pizza then it will quickly pay for itself.

One downside is that it does take some space, so if you're in a really cramped living environment (dorm room, Manhattan apartment) then you might not have room. Also, you may end up eating a lot more pizza than you should...

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[–] DonkeyStar@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

One of the food delivery apps labeled something “long distance delivery” at five miles. I could walk that. I didn’t, but I certainly didn’t pay someone else to drive it.

[–] ddplf@szmer.info 4 points 1 week ago

No wonder if you're living in a metropolitarian area, 5 miles is quite hefty in big cities

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