Example: in (date) at (place) the situation happened when after heavy rains the sheep surrounded by water refused to cross it despite it being not deep enough to be a barrier. Sheep die from dehydration and starvation but still refuse to cross a shallow water. Similar behaviour was seen a few times before.
See? 1 sentence (with poor grammar but that's the best I can do :) ) contains the very same amount of information as a few first paragraphs of the article.
It isn't magic. It is the basic respect to the reader.
I don't like the idea of a network card with a cooler. I strongly dislike the idea.