this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2025
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Seems like, you know, maybe there is more going on here. You are touching on something important about understanding what you have in your life, I think.
It does seem that some perspective might help. If you’re feeling bored/disinterested/negative perhaps consider speaking to a professional about how to manage these thoughts before there is a consequence.
True...
I luckily live in Europe. I am american, but I somehow see life different than many of my american "family" members.
Not saying they see life "negative" or "positive" or something else, just different.
I sometimes think I am a person who has to experience bad to appreciate what I have.
10 years ago I was diving as a 20 year old scuba student on Koh Tao in Thailand. Why didnt I stay therew a few weeks longer? I thought I was in a hurry to get back to start my job.
Sometimes I wonder who I would be without my wife, family or friends telling me what I should do or not do.
Just do... Just stay... just chill and move with the flow.
It seems like the pace of my life isn't chosen by me. Which is weird, cause I don't care. I didn't care if I finished my nursing degree at 23 years old. Im 33, Im a nurse since Im 23 years old. If it was 25? I don't care... I gotta work til Im 70 lol.
I remember 8 years ago, this day, I was sitting in Arugam Bay Sri Lanka, smoking pot from some Sri Lankan Dudes, enjoying my life, giving my surf lessons and chasing Gators day to day.
It was a blast. I had no money, but I had pizza, beer, hostel party every night. It was fun. I miss those days. I had nothing, but it felt like I deserved to dream. I miss the days in Thailand, sitting at the dive base, cleaning the diving equipment for a few cold beers, a warm fire, a party and a nice day with the people.
I have more money now, but I don't have the people, the environment, the place where I was 10 years ago. I slept in a "sh.ithole" before I went to the full moon party on Koh Phangan. BUT IT WAS FUN it was great, I loved the people and all loved me. We were we. I was who I was meant to be. I didnt need much...
He I feel more broken now in this system even with more money and education than being a brainless slob 10 years ago.
Dont ask me about Perhentian Islands in Malaysia. I was cleaning the gear, going on scuba dives with guides and helping, prepping BBQ @ the Beach and having a blast. I didnt earn much, to be fair I earned nothing. I got a roof above my head, food, drinks and a nice pillow. That for a year. It was great looking back.
It feels like as I advanced in my life (degree, job, wife,..) I lost my life. It feels like looking back I was better off with nothing than what I have now. Its sad, its sad.
I miss booking my ticket to Vietnam, taking the train from Hanoi to Hue, from Hue to Dalat, etc. and to see what the next day brings. Or if if it brings anything.
I have so many good memories of my travels, of my life traveling through Vietnam, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia,.... I don't need my current life.
I should have never quit and always stayed in Thailand. It does have consequences, like health care etc. but man, if I die I die.
Sometimes it feels like I should have just done nothing than more. I know it might be wrong, but well it's how I feel right now
He Im probably just drunk and lost, dunno.
The night bus from Bangkok to Sura Thani, people warning me: "they steal" and all I had was nothing to lose. The crazy nights in Ho Chi Minh, the cozy nights at Koh Phi Phi, Phangang, Koh Tai at the Campfire, losing my license on my way from Pai to Bangkok, taking a random flight to Denpasar with random people to stay in Bali for a few weeks, going to Nusa Pinida, back to Malaysia or Thailand,...
It was my life. I had enough to get by, but not enough to live that dream forever. And now I have enough but not the time, not the momentum, to go back.
Perhaps you may have lived the wrong life by accident, even if you still did a good job living it that way
But if you kept being that former person you may also have had the same but opposite regret and wondering where your wife, life, and future went
Maybe you can keep what you have and just do more adventures, maybe you need a dramatic reorientation 🤷♀️ start small tho and see what simply doing more does for you before you blow up your life or give up and be depressed again
You may actually go back and try to recreate this time for yourself, but you also need to accept that that portion of your youth is gone forever. Everyone goes through this to some degrees
I am afraid people try to tell me it was my youth, but I think it was my purpose. I don't think I was made for more.
It was never the idea that I should achieve more than that. I peaked. I peaked 10 years ago, even though I earn more, have more success at my job now etc.
I think I peaked and I should have stayed at that level. I should have never given that up.
Yeah Im not gonna give up everything I have now for what I had 10 years ago. But I sometimes think I might have been better off with less than more now.
You should find a therapist