Comradeship // Freechat

Some things from therapy or incidentally adopted because of it:

• Writing down emotions throughout the day (can be as little as "feel x", doesn't need to be a journal entry)

• Loving message to self at the end of the day (if you have a partner, you could also consider asking them to do such an affirmation, as it might be more powerful coming from someone else who loves you in such an intimate way - I did not have such so it was not an option)

• Consistent sleep schedule (not having one can make shit worse, due to like sleep deprivation or staying up late ruminating on stuff)

• If your tendency is to avoid the thing that makes you anxious: Someone, a therapist or a trusted friend, who can consistently urge you to do stuff that confronts fears or drag you along for such things in the case of a friend (I don't mean skydiving either, just like everyday things, making the decision to do the thing in spite of the anxiety and getting through it, being able to prove to yourself on a consistent basis that doing the thing is not a crisis and can even feel good)

• Deep breathing (it can be hard to remember it in the moment sometimes, but there's even advice for it specifically to do with panic attacks)

• (Preferably with a professional, if possible) try to investigate causes of anxiety. There are probably reasons. For me, sometimes it's hard to understand the reasons because it can seem sorta nonverbal, like some of it's coming from vague impressions of an experience... like what's scary about a cashier at a grocery store? OTOH, some reasons are super obvious, like reading certain things in the news and it might be that talking through what specifically is distressing about it helps lessen the feeling.

• Learn to break rumination cycles. I know, this is not straightforward on its own, but it's important. Talking to someone else or writing thoughts down can sometimes help. Or just halting and interrogating the thought more. Rumination tends to loop on assumptions and continuously leave out a lot. The way I can think to try to explain it is it's sorta like your thoughts are going: "I w nt o s e o y nd bh so e m l", but it feels like you're thoroughly addressing the whole thing. "I went to the store and bought some milk" is the full thing, but in actuality, that's not what you're addressing. You're looping on fragments of perception, memory, and beliefs that leave out a lot.

Here's a made up example, but not dramatically different from something I saw once in someone else: Person X is looking forward to going swimming. They hear two people talking quietly about swimming, but don't catch all of it. Next thing they know, plans to go swimming are canceled. They think this is because they said they were tired earlier around these two and the two are going behind their back to cancel it without consulting them. They increasingly believe this to be the case and get more and more agitated. Eventually, they go off on their own. Someone finds them and gets the other two involved to talk it out. Turns out the intent to cancel swimming had nothing to do with Person X and the two hadn't realized how much Person X wanted to go swimming.

Person X could have gone in a much different direction by doing any or all of: Halting the assumption. "Is it really about me? What evidence do I have that it is?" Asking the two why swimming was canceled. "What were your reasons for doing so?" Expressing an interest in it, how they were looking forward to it and would still like to in spite of being tired.

This can apply to more than just anxiety, which is all the more reason it's important. Breaking stuff down beyond assumptions, and investigating, is important. Whether it leads to a conclusion that you were wrong or more certainty that you were right, it's leading toward some kind of resolution. Ruminating, by contrast, gets stuck on a state of non-resolution and agitation builds in its stead.