this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2026
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It's fascinating how different women's experiences with these stupid things are than men's...
How so?
I'm a man who originally met women on these apps, but after a certain point everybody seemed to be a bot and the app seemed to be completely gamified, even when I used paid apps. Other people might have different experiences.
I turn my profile visible for about 24 hours. As a late 30's woman, that gets me about 300 likes in a medium sized European city. (I pay for it, it's impossible to use otherwise.)
I then go into my list of likes and use filters to start left swiping based on hard cutoff criteria (wants kids, Christian, etc). That drops it down to ~100 people. I use an app that has good filters.
I then go through reading profiles and looking at who is attractive for me (pictures and bio). That leaves about 25 people. I then match with all of them at once. Usually leads to 5 or so good conversations, and a few dates. Give it a shot, repeat if necessary.
If I leave mt profile visible for more than a few days I have thousands of likes. I match with most people I see swiping. It's just not a feasible way to do it. And I'm not even attractive.
It's just a flood and it's nearly impossible to manage. It's such a broken, asymmetrical system. I hate it so much.
From what I understand, women are deluged with mobs of low-effort fuck boys and men are mostly ignored, which creates a feedback loop where men swipe on anything just for the hope of a match, which only makes things worse.
It's really fascinating from a systems perspective. But it used to be better before enshittification, in my limited experience. The reality is that quickly finding a new partner you are ideally matched with is the very last thing these companies want you to do.
Women deserve it.
Which one was it, Bumble I think? With the gimmick of requiring women to make the first move? The one that categorically failed because women categorically will not make the first move?
You flooded your bed, now drown in it.
User name checks out.
One of my friends, who is a woman, once showed me her dating app to show me why she found it so exhausting. I tell you, I'm ashamed of my fellow males. She got so many cheap messages from horny guys, to the point where she found the app useless.
For me, last time I used a dating app, I found it very hard to strike up a meaningful conversation with my matches. It was like I had to carry the whole conversation and they took forever to respond. So in that retrospect, it might be why some guys don't put in much effort when contacting women. But most of the massages my friend showed me, where absolutely just mouth breathing horny guys.
Gay dating apps are bad too. It’s no better with only men involved. On sniffies, for example, you get on and start texting with a cock pic. Want to have a conversation, get to know them, figure out if they are worth your time, hell, even if they are safe to be around and it’s treated as heretical. It’s just perverted goons.
Guys on these apps lobotomize themselves. They shouldn’t be breeding.
My last runthrough with the apps, I'd carefully read everyone's profile and craft an interesting introductory message. It took quite a bit of time and was rarely rewarded with a reply, much less a conversation, much less a first date. My messages got shorter and shorter until eventually I was just mass swiping. And, just as far as a use of time goes, if all that matters is a woman likes your profile, it's more efficient to roboswipe and filter the women who match back.
Also, the emotional toll of serially declaring "I like you" and asking "do you like me?" only to be greeted by rejection after rejection is pretty devastating.
Anyway, very happy with my current girlfriend whom I randomly ran into at a store while looking for an accordion.
This could be good for at least a Hallmark movie.
And the grand gesture is me playing Billie Jean outside her engagement party to the business mogul?
No, he did Weird Al's another one rides the bus on accordion outside her window, it was so romantic.
it could be worse. she could have gone on a date with one and they say something really sad like "all the women on there just want sex. I want something meaningful"
oh honey....you have been hitting up all the bots.
there is a point where most people go "this might be a scam" but there is a special few that go so far to give it a whole backstory.
Well duh, they earn money when you use their app. And you stop using the app if it does what it's supposed to. Finding the love of your life is the worst possible thing to happen for the company since they lose you as a customer
Exactly. That's the gamification. They want to keep you grinding against bots and employees, otherwise they won't make money.
EDIT:
I'll add that men are probably the customer here, and that might make women seem like the product, the company can actually swap out real women for bots and employees, making real women obsolete to the business model of dating apps.
Oh, men are definitely the customers. There was a website with a pornstar backer... Madison something or other. It was billed as a place to meet horny married women looking to have an affair--just sex, no attachment. It got hacked and, surprise surprise, it was entirely men talking to bots.
Edit:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ashley_Madison_data_breach