'nice watch!' then move in and quietly say "oh, hey, it looks like your barber missed a spot back there"

“Your watch cost more than £100?”

"and i have a piece of cardboard thats worth more than your watch" whips out a charizard

What kind of dumbass would spend that much on a watch?

"So?"

That's the response you want. Complete andutter boredom. You don't care. Their entire personality is built around a weird little status structure and if you don't buy into their hallucination they lose their everloving minds

You still use a watch?

I feel like owning expensive stuff like that is non optional for the very rich. Those who answer things like "my phone already does that" do sound poor. They don't buy it because they need the time. They buy it because it looks nice and is expensive.

I think I would make a disgusted face and say something like "really? It doesn't look like it. What brand is it?"

"good for you, little guy"

The classic "OK boomer" still gets them angry, if that's what you're after

K

Sounds like you got ripped off

Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."

A classic that always makes people like this angry is the good ole, "Anyways, [Something you are casually going to do today or did yesterday]- " and a hand wave to dismiss the statement.

It infuriates them lol

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

Grabs machete
Thanks for showing me where to find it. /j

Just smile non-genuinely and say "Sure."

Serious answer:

That's cool. What makes it special?

Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.

Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.

Such frivolous spenditure will rot your money. Decay of your father's fortune and your child's kingdom. Begotten by weak flesh and temptation, coward from strength.

Even the homeless know to not show your power before you speak, or your trades will be levied against you.

Fool and his money.

"I don't have a car"

Look of confusion "Does...does that make you happy?"

-or-

"Was it worth it?"

Sad as fuck that you need expensive set pieces to maintain the facade of your self worth. If I were over here wearing a Timex I'd still be fine with who I was. Would you?

"How fast does it do 0-60?"

"Ok?"

"I don't get my happiness from material worth."

When I was at school, the kids would say, "my dad's shed is bigger than your dad's shed". But that was a long time ago, and we each had a child's view of the world. Most of us grew up.

"Timex?"

Good for you, why should I care?

My car has an analog clock face too.

That's cool, but MY watch has a Tomagachi living in it.

“What kinda mileage does it get?”

“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”

“Can you get me some more water?”

Either dishonest affirmation or "That's nice, buddy" and touch his shoulder.

With people you might need later it's the first option, the second if you want to piss off narcissists.

So you could have donated that money to a food bank or homeless shelter and gotten a tax break. Or you could have just kept it and invested in dividend paying stock, but instead you spent it on a watch that tells you the same time as my $20 watch?

If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.