You can always run for the hills!
this post was submitted on 04 May 2026
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Showerthoughts
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A "Showerthought" is a simple term used to describe the thoughts that pop into your head while you're doing everyday things like taking a shower, driving, or just daydreaming. The most popular seem to be lighthearted clever little truths, hidden in daily life.
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- Both “200” and “160” are 2 minutes in microwave math
- When you’re a kid, you don’t realize you’re also watching your mom and dad grow up.
- More dreams have been destroyed by alarm clocks than anything else
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Sometimes I think a purposely planned marriage would make more sense than "whoever you got drunk with that one night in college". (But I'm biased, cause I just got divorced from the woman I got drunk with that one night in college.)
I think it's because: "If love wasn't the reason to get into a marriage, then lack if love wouldn't be the reason to get out of a marriage" (I read this from some random forum/website and it actually make so much sense).
In Traditional Chinese marriage, they look at practical stuff like if they have the wealth, housing, career, to raise children... that sort of stuff... love is secondary ti those things...
So in my parents time, people of marriage age would just get introduced to those who are also of marriage of the opposite sex. And like if they feel okay with it, they just settle and get married.
I think once I ask my mom why she went with my dad, she said something like "he doesn't smoke, he doesn't gamble, he doesn't drink"... like... lol...
I feel like a lot of people in China have those aforementioned problems.
They're still married to this day... I doubt they have much sex besides for procreation so like... probably only those 2 times creating my older brother then me....
My mom is kinda scary tho, she once went full tiger mom mode and threatened to divorce my dad... because some stupid disagreement... and I was a teen during that time... kinda messed up my mood... I mean that feels world shattering if it happens... so... luckily it never did.
I'm German. My grandparents were married for 75 years (from their early 20's until my grandfather died aged 97)!
I once asked my grandma what their secret was, how they stayed in love for their entire lives. She hesitated a bit, as if thinking about whether she should tell me...
And then she said: If it had been as easy to get divorced back then as it is now, I wouldn't have stayed 5 years.
The trick to those is to appear as lazy and careless as possible, so your project partners will fear a failing grade and do all the work before the deadline instead of hoping that you will do it and everyone fails because no work was done. Not sure how this advice translates to the other side of the analogy though
I'm the "Asian Nerd", I'm always expected to do everything... 👀
gotta reset those expectations somehow
I recently read „The death of Ivan Iljych“ by Tolstoy. He asks the same questions about life that you do. Doesn’t really pose any concrete answer of course, I’d be shocked if there was an universal one, but maybe you can find something that helps you find your own in there.
I don’t support arranges marriages, but single 38 me would love to have someone at least introduce me to some women who match some of my basic requirements in a potential spouse.
According Chinese society: 38 would be too old, nobody would want you.
Dad was 31 and Mom was 24 when they married, you're late to the train according to them.
My older brother is 28, he's on a trip to China right now to supposedly meet "marriage candidates"
Mom is pressuring him cuz "once you get older nobody would want you anymore" 🤔
I'm 23 and mom is already jokingly like: "Hey I know this person's daughter, do you wanna meet and 'maybe become friends'?" (heavily implying marriage) I just fucking laughed... I'm so depressed I can't even take care of a cat, how am I supposed to start a family lmao... I need to fix depression first...
Once when I was in my teens I heard mom want me to "hang out" with her best friend's daughter and "become friends"... lol... maybe she should've thought about that before moving away from Brooklyn where they lived... we used to live like right across the street from them... but rent is a big hassle and parents wanted to have home ownership thats why we moved to Philly...
and I have been to their house... I'm shy af and didn't wanna talk...
Yea I'm gonna be forever alone... I don't even have the courage to talk to people lol...
Btw: Arranged Marriages =/= Forced Marriages
You have the choice to "veto" in an Arranged Marriage, but not in a Forced Marriage.
The "Arranged" is referring to who's in the captain steering the ship, so parents and relatives are heavily involved in the matchmaking process and looking for "candidates".
As someone who was exceptionally shy growing up, what helped me was acknowledging that I really would rather not try to meet new people or join some social setting because it would induce an anxiety response, jitters and all, but, then forcing myself to do it anyway.
It was very uncomfortable, just as I knew it would be, but slowly, as I forced myself to keep doing it; the jitters weren't as bad, I didn't have to take so many deep breaths before getting involved to calm myself, and I started joining into conversations more, cracking jokes, and feeling more relaxed as I began to realize that people didn't seem to mind it if I made mistakes or stumbled over my words from nervousness, and didn't look at me weird for being a bit silly (though this depends on the group you find, I fell in with some pretty odd/silly folk, so my own sillyness didn't stick out too much).
It's essentially exposure therapy, and it took me a while, but eventually I was able to build up some confidence in my ability to talk to others, and realized most other people are just winging things too. I think what helped me the most was really internalizing the idea that it's genuinely okay to embarrass yourself, and that it can even be a great well of humor to draw from, which for me removed the fear of it potentially happening. That let me me more present and relaxed, which in turn made being social begin to feel fun, instead of a stressful thing I had to force myself to do.
I think a DnD group in particular is a good place to start, since that tends to attract oddballs that let you be silly, and weirdly it can be easier to be social if you act out a more confident character, which can almost trick your brain into not being so nervous, or at least it did for me :p
If there isn't a DnD group you can reach locally, an online group would be good too, there's a number of discord ones, including west-marches styles that can make scheduling sessions easier.
Sorry if this comes off as someone throwing unrequested advice at you, just thought I'd share some tips from one shy dude to another :)