Call the police
this post was submitted on 07 Jun 2025
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aww
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It’s always creepy to see a photo from right before a person dies.
Sure “Aww” as long as it’s on the other side of the glass…
These are the trials moose and bear aspire to be.
They will destroy you for no other reason than they can. Geese, swans, and all their seemingly gorgeously-downed ilk are creatures of pure torment born of darkness and rage, set upon mankind to rend your flesh and subdue your very spirit. To revel in leaving you forever burdened with the echo of your own wails when beset upon by these brutishly-beaked manifestations of natures ire. They live to feast on the withered remains of dignity the hubris of your humanity might have allowed you and to suggest otherwise is to admit you’ve never actually encountered one.
They’re why Canadians can be so nice in the face of a harsh and bitter world. To live, never mind thrive, among these miserable creatures is to know you can withstand any petty horror the world could summon. From the time they’re old enough to walk themselves to school Canadian children run daily gauntlets of these unholy abominations. Never mind pampered heroes like Leonidas and his spear, Canada’s younglings are armed - on days when fortune smiled upon us - with little more than a hockey stick and, perhaps, hand-me-down pads. But for those who survived, well, like the man says: you ain’t gotta flex nuts if you know you got ‘em.
Fun fact: the convenience store Wawa indirectly derived its name from a Canadian goose (or wild goose, depending on whom you believe).
Aaaw, it wants to dismember me.
Don't tread on me or we'll have words.
Yeah you really don't want athlete's foot on your dick.
If ya got a problem with Canada gooses then ya got a problem with me, and I suggest ya let that one marinate!
Don't you remember when that plane had to land on the river in New York 'cause Canada Gooses flew into the engine? It's 'cause Canada Gooses likely had intel there was a pedophile or two on board and took matters into their own hands. As they should!
What kind of marinade do you use for goose?
Blood of the innocent.
Yeah they're reeeeeal cute, right up until until they decide to nest right outside your front door.
“I do not like the cobra chicken”
I spent several years working as security at a large warehouse building that had a retention pond just past the parking lot. Every year like clockwork they'd show up in early spring and nest right up against the building at the emergency exits. -It was our job to check these emergency exits at least twice per shift. Once it got late enough into the spring the facilities manager would register with the state and remove the eggs, but each year they'd come back, and we would have to wait over a month before the eggs could be removed and they'd stop attacking us. I hate these birds.
I will note, as stupid as people are saying these birds are I do recall at least one of them remembering me and/or my uniform to selectively charge at me in the parking lot as i was going to my car. The one I'm thinking of waddled right past multiple people that were closer just to come at me.
I don't live in America, but I've heard that these geese have the reputation of being aggressive motherf*ckers.
You know how Canada has a reputation for being super nice?
They took all the hate and spite humans normally have and stuffed it into these geese.
They are entitled, angry and dumb assholes.
I do not understand why they are protected. There are so many of these pricks where I live. I fantasize about raiding their nests in the spring for big delicious eggs!
They love crossing roads slowly because fuck you. If you maintain your speed all of a sudden they get out of the way. If you slow and wait, they will take ages to cross.
Wife was giving me a hard time because I don't slow down for them. I told her that if a goose were driving and you were crossing they'd run you over and honk after they did it.
No love for these bastards. All they do is turn grass into gooey green goose shit all day.
A duck is far better.
They are protected because they are migratory birds. You can get a license to kill them if they are constantly on your property.
I don't like em but no need to kill them unless they are tasty.
This is the kind of creature who will murder your family in front of you just to taste your tears…
If you mess with them they'll mess with you back. If you leave them alone, they will leave you alone
If you mess with them they'll mess with you back. If you leave them alone, they will leave you alone
Absolutely not.
I’ve walked to school past so many of these wretched monstrosities I can assure you, there’s no detour wide enough…
¯_(ツ)_/¯ I pass them all the time when they are in my area and I just keep walking and ignore them, passing geese like 1m/2m away.
if you leave them alone, they'll leave you alone
Not exactly. My old work building used to have to shut entrances because of the geese. Theyd apparently nest close to the door and attack anyone who came in or out.
One time i parked my car, then two geese started fighting in front of my car. I went to get out and they both turned toward me. I quickly shut the door and had to wait the fight out.
Theyre dicks.
They are. They also shit fucking everywhere, and are very territorial. Which really sucks if they nest next to the goddamn mailbox.
They aren't so bad if you leave em alone. they can be territorial, but I find if you don't even acknowledge them they tend not to bother you back
Hard disagree.
They will provoke an attack if they even think you're getting too close to their gooslings.
I've given them several meters and they still charged at me.
And whatever you do… DO NOT FEED THEM
Yep and swans are the same if not worse.
Awww? This thing is plotting your murder.
Hjonk
You should run.
I know geese have a bad reputation, but I've never seen them act poorly. In fact I've hand-fed wild geese in a local park.
I've got a hoard of Canadian Geese that lives in my backyard all year round. They're temperamental, territorial, and get in fights amongst one another constantly. They also leave a giant mountain of poop wherever they go and are a general nuisance.
As long as you acknowledge them and give them a solid 5ft(1.5m) radius, more if they have a clutch of goslings, then they'll leave you alone and you won't have issues. If you're not paying attention to where you're going and get too close they will absolutely charge you though.
Just wait, goose-story people will be along shortly to terrify you with Tales of Goose Encounters.
I was once bitten by a gøøse. It was pretty nasti.
Gooses!
australia used to have a "giga goose" dromornithidae , which is closely related to anseriforms(goose, ducks, swans)
You mess with the honk, you get the bonk
Awww $#*+! Get down, or it’ll see us!
Round
;-)
Van fucking guard!