this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2026
1091 points (98.9% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

40416 readers
4255 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] jedibob5@lemmy.world 307 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (8 children)

Having a drink to calm the nerves is one thing, but spending several minutes taking shots of vodka before a date sounds like straight-up alcoholic behavior. Unless OP is greatly exaggerating, either she has a massive tolerance, or she would end up a drunken mess in front of her date, which would probably be much worse than a case of the nerves.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 122 points 5 days ago (12 children)

If I knew my date hand just taken five shots in short order the first thing I'd probably ask them is, "Can I call you a cab?"

[–] Siethron@lemmy.world 41 points 4 days ago

I'm not a cab... YOUR A CAB... whatsh werz we tulking abit

load more comments (11 replies)
[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 38 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (5 children)

To be fair they said “5 minutes” but did not give a number of shots.

“s” implies at least 2, leaving some wiggle room that they where not accustomed to strong liquor and had trouble getting It down. 2 of them because they underestimate the effect of just one.

[–] jedibob5@lemmy.world 34 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

They also used the word "chug," which is almost certainly an exaggeration to some degree, but it certainly implies more than two, IMO.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] Donebrach@lemmy.world 25 points 3 days ago (1 children)

As an alcoholic… that lady is an alcoholic.

But could totally be a meet-cute for a really bad manga that runs for 74 chapters and then just vanishes.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 164 points 5 days ago (9 children)

I, too, always keep an open bottle of vodka in my car, accessible from the driver's seat. It's just common sense.

[–] Texas_Hangover@lemmy.radio 57 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Of course! You dont want to be fumbling around god knows where for that shit! Its unsafe.

[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 28 points 4 days ago (4 children)

Exactly, that's why I keep it right next to my loaded pistol and bag of oxy

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)

So when the cops stop you, you can take a swig right in front of them. Then they can't prove you were drunk before that and can't give you a DUI

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 18 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

I like to take a shot every time I see a black car, gets me ready for work in the morning. Obviously I don't drink and drive that would be dangerous, I wait until I'm traffic lights.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] crypt0cler1c@infosec.pub 67 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Dating is fine. Alcoholism is tough.

[–] Paddzr@lemmy.world 37 points 4 days ago (5 children)

Yup, dating didn't make her drink. Also I wouldn't want to date someone who can't function without alcohol.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 64 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

My only proper post-bar one night stand, we got to my place, and the girl pulled out of her purse the largest bottle of vodka seemingly imaginable. It was like some disturbing Mary Poppins shit and really was an appropriate harbinger of everything that followed.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 27 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Did she put it in your butthole?

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 31 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (9 children)

No, that was a different girl, whole other thing. It just escalated quickly for a guy who isn't super the taking girls home from the beeeest honky tonk in Utah type. It'd all sound made up, but it's just how it accidentally happened. But I'm not divulging mostly because it'd probably be super vanilla to you freaks. (jk kind of)

load more comments (9 replies)
[–] SanderZeldenthuis@nord.pub 104 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Sort of reminds me of the time my friend fixed me up with a friend of his partner.

OK its not the same but we met up at a nice chinese restaurant in amsterdam and I immediately found my date very hot. We had chemistry right away! When the server came to take the drink order my date lean in close and whisper to my ear "only get a mixer" as she pressed two small bottles into my hand and then winked at me.

Turned out she is a flight attendant for klm and her purse was full of them!

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 67 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (6 children)

This is why we should normalize committing societal faux pas and crimes on dates! Sounds like it was an incredibly fun time

load more comments (6 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 26 points 4 days ago (18 children)

Ahhhh...

The 'Murican attitude that it's ok to drink and drive...

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 23 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Yup, people in, say, Eastern Europe or South Africa never drink and drive. Hell, even Canada has higher mortality rate than the U.S. for drunk driving.

I get that it’s fashionable to shit on America (and like 99% of time it’s justified), and I will not go as far as to say there is no drunk driving problem here (cause of course there is), but it’s not an “American attitude”

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/niallmccarthy/2016/08/11/the-worst-countries-in-the-world-for-drunk-driving-infographic/

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 19 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Yeah, seems pretty clear that the drinking was done in a parked car after getting to the place they were supposed to meet. So not really.

[–] Demdaru@lemmy.world 32 points 4 days ago (4 children)

And then they teleported back to homes <3

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 13 points 4 days ago (2 children)

What are you supposred to do?? Walk? Not drink? Insanity

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (15 replies)
[–] Zozano@aussie.zone 40 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I basically did this once.

Except it wasn't alcohol, it was molly.

The date was going poorly, because we were on different levels.

She said I was being egotistical, I apologised and told her I was ballin.

This was hilarious apparently, the date went smooth afterwards.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] tio_bira@lemmy.world 9 points 3 days ago (5 children)

If was me, she already would have some points in advantage since vodka is my drink of choice...

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] ZMoney@lemmy.world 19 points 4 days ago (1 children)

The polite thing to do in this instance is to get on her level by pounding your own set of shots.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 40 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Pre gaming it is a must in today's economy anyway. Sounds like she had a good idea but rolled a nat 1 in the execution.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 36 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

Women in movies: "Going to do a full blown date prep montage, complete with song and dance number, where I transform from mousy librarian to runway model over the course of 15 minutes. Come out cool as a cucumber and charming as a prince."

Women in real life: "Going to throw on a top and some jeans, half watch a Netflix special about serial killers while I curl my hair, then down a mug of hard liquor to build up the courage to look a guy I've got a crush on straight in the eyes. Try to make it through dinner without mumbling, burping, or mentioning that I'm on my period."

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 35 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Probably my closest real life example to this was I had a breakfast date, but I ended up getting pretty drunk at a party the night before and showed up still drunk :(

I felt like an ass.

We went on a few more dates but then she suddenly stopped texting me. She messaged me like 2 months later and said there was a death in her family and she was sorry, but we didn’t set up any dates after that.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 27 points 4 days ago (2 children)

That was a rollercoaster of a story with a disappointing end.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 27 points 4 days ago

It was disappointing, I did really like her!

But it’s okay, I like my now wife more than I liked her.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] eatCasserole@lemmy.world 36 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Ok but if you're nervous, presumably there's an expectation that it might not go well...and then you'll want to leave...in your car...while all that vodka seeps into your brain.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 28 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Someone who openly drinks while they're sitting in the driver's seat can get a DUI from that alone. They aren't caring about driving drunk, I'd wager.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] GhostFace@lemmy.today 10 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

There's nothing entirely wrong with this. I cannot function in some social settings without a little bit of liquor. Just half a can of white claw is enough to open me up somewhat.

[–] ReluctantMuskrat@lemmy.world 22 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I mean it's meant to be funny, but in reality ½ a can of white claw and doing shots for 5 minutes are two very different things. Alcohol in volume is not a good anxiety remedy. Get help if you need to get drunk for social settings to be tolerable because becoming an alcoholic will make your life much, much worse.

[–] nonfuinoncuro@lemmy.zip 7 points 3 days ago (3 children)

yeah i mean we've all been there but the op is straight up textbook abuse

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Rekorse@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Drinking a pint of liquor in your car before a social event is a pretty solid sign of alcohol dependency.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›