Stuck in a similar situation. I dread most social interactions but at the same time get FOMO from seeing people hanging out and having fun together. It sucks :/
this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2026
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Mental Health
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You need to make it as easy and safe as possible for yourself to find people. You're essentially doing it right now by making this post, which is great! You just need to keep at it :)
Basically figure out the way of doing this that is most comfortable and least scary. You need to be a bit creative for it, because only you can figure out what exactly that means. Maybe that means just more commenting on some Lemmy posts. Maybe you could private message someone whose comments you like and ask if they'd like to talk a bit. Maybe there's a chat in a community of some of your interest where people casually talk online, like a Matrix or Discord server, and you could join that and do some talking. You can also go outside to some event or whatever with the sole goal of observing and not interacting, just to get some feel for a place/group, ideally with a way to easily and quickly leave.
Most important of all is to be kind to yourself, this kind of thing is super hard to overcome and you're doing great in even attempting it! I had to go through a similar thing, I was extremely lonely however luckily never completely alone, but I remember how hard it was for me. It's still hard but not crippling anymore :)
If you want to talk, sure, otherwise I wish you so much luck and success and just the best experiences possible for you :)
Thing is, as we grow we learn. You have actually upskilled a heap! You just listed off a heap of qualities that you don't appreciate in a companion, that's knowledge! And right now you have successfully learned that, and gotten away from every person who gave you an example of those qualities. You are so much more capable than you are giving yourself credit for. You absolutely have power to walk away from someone when you notice those traits. Start slow. Notice your feelings and listen to them. But also remember to say how you're feeling and if you notice people keep doing the things you talk to them about making you uncomfortable, then it's just time to walk away. Then you will have gained more experience and knowledge, some fun times, and you will at worst only be exactly where you are now. Right now you have time to contemplate and really listen to your inner self. Just make sure you're listening to you and not anxiety, you are not your anxiety. Anxiety is just an overactive self protection mechanism, that means well, but it can get super ott.
You've created an emotional barrier to protect yourself. You can either let the barrier down a little, tolerate people, or you can remain secluded in your bubble.
Im saying this as someone who also does this, and also doesnt get emotionally close to people. You have to let people in a little. You can be picky, but the pickier you are, the less options you have. There is never going to be a perfect fit. You should find someone who you can get along with and who mutually meets you in the middle. Most people are like that though.
Start with a hobby. Talk with people in the hobby. See where your interests overlap in and out of the hobby.