this post was submitted on 12 May 2025

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-2

Did anyone's parents have sex around them? (lemm.ee)

submitted 2 weeks ago by Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

39 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Did your parents have sex around you as a child?

And if so, what (if any) effect has it had on you?

Is it weird/confusing/traumatic for children, or does it provide a healthier and more realistic model of sexuality than pornography and school-based sex education?

all 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] doug@lemmy.today 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My parents encouraged destigmatization of nudity (nudist beaches, a shower or two together, etc.), but no they did not have sex around me or my siblings and think that’d be fucked up if someone told me their parents did that to them.

[–] TerranFenrir@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I can't even think of how someone would have "sex in front of their kids". Sure, sex when kids are say in the next room, or in the same house seems harmless enough.

I imagine that OP meant a scenario like, "hey kids, don't come in our room without knocking, because we're going to have sex" instead of "this is how you give a BJ. Let me demonstrate on ur dad. Watch n learn removed". If they meant the latter, then... uhhh yeah that's fucked up.

[+] Astigma@feddit.uk 21 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

[deleted]

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 8 points 2 weeks ago

For sure. And just to be 100% clear: child welfare needs to be our top priority at all times and in all places, with no exceptions. Lemmy is international and multicultural though and the post is already producing thoughtful and responsible discussion based on lived experience.

I'm happy for mods to remove the post or even to remove it myself if the discussion becomes toxic or unsafe.

[–] voracitude@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (11 children)

just asking this question seems noncey

But why? Would it be noncey to talk about whether we got circumcised as children and how we feel about it now?

Most people who get circumcised are fine with it and think it's weird or gross to not be. I'm not cut and I hate the idea of it ever being done to me though. Odd how reality defies expectation there. I wonder if that is true of other men too. Hmm, maybe there are other topics this could also be true in, do you possibly think?

This question is about the habits of people's parents, and how it affected them growing up. This is not a question about fucking kids, and interpreting it as such is so out there it borders on the deliberate, which seems pretty fucking noncey to me. Why are you interpreting this as asking for permission to fuck kids?

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[+] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (3 children)

[deleted]

[–] 211@sopuli.xyz 15 points 2 weeks ago (9 children)

Link to those studies, please.

There's a huge difference to just seeing a naked body doing its thing, like sauna, or swim, or relax in the sun, or sleeping, or ill; and the same body as an erotic object

[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 7 points 2 weeks ago

That's what I keep telling the community pool manager, but I'm still banned.

[–] MummysLittleBloodSlut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/9681119/

At age 17-18, participants were assessed for levels of self-acceptance; relations with peers, parents, and other adults; antisocial and criminal behavior; substance use; suicidal ideation; quality of sexual relationships; and problems associated with sexual relations. No harmful "main effect" correlates of the predictor variables were found.

boys exposed to primal scenes before age 6 had reduced risk of STD transmission or having impregnated someone in adolescence. In contrast, girls exposed to primal scenes before age 6 had increased risk of STD transmission or having become pregnant.

It is suggested that pervasive beliefs in the harmfulness of the predictor variables are exaggerated.

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 weeks ago

I'd also like to investigate how this jives with the well documented sexual attraction dynamics of siblings. Those who grow up together are almost never attracted to each other no matter how much they see each other naked. Those that are raised separately and meet for the first time as adults are often very attracted to each other due to genetic reasons that apparently we have a mechanism for overcoming when raised together. I would expect to find there was a similar mechanism regarding our parents.

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[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 10 points 2 weeks ago

Citation required

[–] MummysLittleBloodSlut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Do the studies exist?

[+] LandedGentry@lemmy.zip 0 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

[deleted]

[–] BlameThePeacock@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 weeks ago

Both of those first two studies (the third one is not a study) say that there's actually not a significant harm, especially just for nudity.

Not to mention the fact that they're both really old (pre-2000) and based on data collected from the 1970s to the 1990s and pre-date home internet access and only from data collected in the US(actually only in 3 cities in California)

[–] 211@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You clearly stated you didn't want to have someone comb through you papers and argue, and their value as evidence is obvious to anyone who bothers to take a look, so the reaction of "nothing will come out of continuing this conversation" is quite understandable. I returned to say thank you for posting sources, but since you seem to take this as some kind of "stunned them to silence"...

The first two sources apparently refer to the same study; Okami 1995 is mostly literature review, methods, and intermediary results, while Okami 1998 is the final results.

Okami 1995: "Consistent with the cross-sectional retrospective literature (and with our expectations), no harmful main effects of these experiences were found at age 17-18. [...] Taken as a whole then, effects are few, but generally beneficial in nature."

Okami 1998: "No harmful "main effect" correlates of the predictor variables were found."

So I fail to see how they'd support your point.

The last one, the Yahoo article, is not a study nor does it refer to any.

Okami 1998 also had a link to Lewis 1988, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3421828/: "The results suggest that childhood experiences with exposure to nudity and sleeping in the parental bed are not adversely related to adult sexual functioning and adjustment. In fact, there is modest support that these childhood experiences are positively related to indices of adjustment."

Recognition of pre-existing bias: I'm Finnish, and this felt like an attack on family saunas.

[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes they did since houses are relatively small as far as distance go and there's plenty of couples with more than a child.

[–] Churbleyimyam@lemm.ee 1 points 2 weeks ago (10 children)

And is that typical in the culture you're from?

[–] dwindling7373@feddit.it 5 points 2 weeks ago

Indoor sex while parenting is not unheard of. It's not a highly discussed topic, but it's not frowned upon either.

You could probably find the odd parents that lose their drive while parenting.

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