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felipeforte@lemmygrad.ml

For those who have experience this: How do you deal with the feelings of anger and insecurity that come when someone who was being abusive towards you, is more clever in things that matter to you? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 19 hours ago by Confidant6198@lemmy.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml

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Okay, at work I was surrounded by tons of people who were bigots. They would randomly say how they didn't want free college because then who would serve at restaurants, while they would say that they care about the environment. They would casually say that the confederate flag was not a big deal. They would casually comment on how they didn't have any black people in their schools when I sat down at the table. Whenever I sat down they would complain on how men salaries are higher than women, which I would have agreed on if it was not for the fact that the only people always discussing this was middle class white people, who only said this when I black man sat down, and statistically black people make the lowest salaries, so to me it felt like if someone from a buffet came to only complain to starving people that the next person at the buffet got more food than they did.

They made fun of my Mexican coworker who once got mistaken by the guy who was painting the stairs because he was Mexican. And many other microaggressions that are too numerous to tell.

But going to the point of my question: These people were pure asses, but they were brilliant at programming. They did so much better than me, and I was trying my best. It bothered me so much not just because their performance was better, but that they were bigots and their performance was better. It just felt like universal injustice. Made me wonder what was the point of trying if all your effort can just be surpassed by bigots.

I have to admit that I was pretty ignorant of corporate American culture, and had no idea what area I wanted to concentrate on. But somehow these people just knew all that shit. Like, I have no clue how they knew so much.

Which makes me wonder how do you deal with this feeling, and what gives you the motivation to keep trying, when even your best effort can be surpassed by people with terrible attitudes that you hate. Like, I know that I will never surpass people like that, and I don't think the point of life is being in an endless scoreboard, but it literally just feels like pure ass, and I want to hear others experiences. I also hate feeling behind all the time.

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[–] Commiejones@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 10 hours ago

Think of it this way: Their entire ideology is just replaying prerendered video compared to running dialectical materialism which is running a full 3d environment with realistic physics on the fly. When it comes to deconstructing capitalism and developing class consciousness they use .1% of their brain. So naturally they have more brain power to dedicate to programing.

One of the manifestations of my autism is dysgraphia. I have next to no muscle memory in my hands so my handwriting is like a toddler's, I can't learn musical instruments because each finger has to be consciously placed. etc. The NT brain dedicates around 20% of its motor cortex to using its hands. I don't have holes in my brain so that means I have processing capacity that has been redirected to other things.

TLDR Everyone who is good at something sucks at something else

[–] Atlas@lemmygrad.ml 11 points 18 hours ago

Being good at anything is completely unrelated to being a good person. If every person in the world was brilliant but a selfish piece of shit, we'd go extinct.

Take pride in your abilities, and be kind to yourself. You have value outside of your ability to generate revenue for shareholders. Compassion, Empathy, and emotional intelligence are separate skills you've invested time into that those people clearly haven't.

Also nurture yourself! I cannot overstate how helpful it is to be kind to yourself when trying to learn something new. The only way to get good at something is to first be bad at it.

[–] vovchik_ilich@hexbear.net 6 points 18 hours ago

You seem very sure that they're actually better than you.

You may be experiencing a mixture of many things: insecurity about yourself which makes it seem to you like others' work is better (changing room syndrome), bias in favour of stereotypically privileged individuals (neurotypical, business-oriented, "confident" white male)...

In my experience, most people with whom you have a conversation about work, have a degree of impostor's syndrome, and believe they underperforming when in reality it's not true. So first of all, consider whether that's the case. I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you, and I know it's hard to listen, but please make an effort.

[–] haui@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

Honestly? It broke me, multiple times. Saying something that is bigotted and standing corrected immediately is no big deal if someone is ignorant but open to critique.

But we are systematically pushed in that direction. Either full blown fascism or reactionary and dysfunctional bs.

I personally dealt with it by not working or working self employed as much as possible. This means no money and having problems in life that i wouldnt have if i didnt give a shit.

As you might already have figured out, I'm not in a great situation either because of that. I'm trying to convince my wife to move to china or literally any other socialist country. I will happily work my ass off there while not constantly listening to shitty opinions.

The alternative, what i did in the past, is elitism. It helps but it doesnt solve any issues and makes you a dick in turn so no other solutions, sadly.

[–] Atlas@lemmygrad.ml 4 points 18 hours ago

Very real, those in power prefer to give opportunity to those who hold similar values to them. In the west this means being a selfish racist piece of shit.

[–] aReallyCrunchyLeaf@lemmy.ml -1 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

Push yourself to be better than them. Do not accept mediocrity. Win.

Being a racist loser has no relation whatsoever to being good at a skill, you can be just as good if not better than them. It's really common to feel like you'll never be as good as your senior coworkers but that's just your brain playing tricks on you. I felt the same way when I was just starting out as a cook. I went on to be a sous chef in several Michelin starred/James Beard awarded restaurants before changing careers, so I understand toxic, abusive, high pressure environments, which I understand programming to be.

Those guys are better programmers than you? Ok, tough shit. If you want to get better the only person who can do that for you is you. Prove to them that being a racist piece of shit has nothing to do with being skilled. Or don't, either way it's not a reflection on you as a person. But if you want it, you absolutely have the ability to do it, and there is no better vindication than winning.

edit: I fully expected to take downvotes for this, but I do want to add, someday we will have to actually FIGHT fascists and not by posting on the internet, or asking them to think of you as a person (which they do not), or what have you. The day will come that those people who see you as an insignificant worm will be unleashed upon you and they will have the full backing of the state and when that day comes, you will need to be better than them. Accepting mediocrity or losing is fine if you have no stake and winning doesn't matter. But I do not think that pushing ourselves to be better and ACTUALLY win is something that should be shunned or shied away from, and this is a real life situation where OP can take a personal W for themselves. Best of luck to you, OP, and I hope you take my message to heart!