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Tailscale is a group of clients on a Tailnet which are all equal, unless you tell it otherwise. That means you need to set the client you installed on your router as a subnet router.
Even then, if you're not familiar with networking, you'll probably have duplicate routes if you're not paying attention. The other option is to just install Tailscale on each server you want access to.
The router is set as a subnet router, that is how I am able to access other machines on my lan remotely.
I don't want to, and sometimes can't, install tailscale on every device I want remote access to.
So I may have duplicate routes- Does that explain the behaviour in my original post? And how would I go about avoiding that?
I could turn off subnet routing, and only turn it on when needed, but I'll be putting up a bunch of other services that will want to talk to each other- I'm assuming this will break whenever I turn subnet routing on.
Yes, if Tailscale on your router is advertising routes, and your other devices while connected to Tailscale are picking up those advertised routes, they won't be able to figure out how to get to your local network devices if both things are advertising the same routes.