me_irl

Indeed, being alone doesn't always equal loneliness...It's when you crave or desire human connection but encounter a barrier (mental, physical, or emotional) that is what creates the feeling of loneliness! It's the feeling of pressure from being around people, it's like being around other people exerts an unseen weight or pressure. This could be a thing linked to anxiety and hyperawareness, but that is why I tend to stay alone a lot. I do agree it's nice to have people in my life, I really suck with actually keeping in contact. A part of me feels bad, but I do warn them that I love my solitude. It might stretch for months at a time, nothing but going to work and enjoying hobbies (also running vital errands and appointments as needed).

Bullying sucks, full stop. It can either break you or build some form of internal defense, in the aftermath a strength and brittleness were formed. Sometimes, I wonder what life would've been like had I not been bullied and found my defense in emptiness and detachment; I just rediscovered my humanity a few years ago.