this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2026

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[Serious] How do you gain confidence/self love? (discuss.online)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by throwawaysalami@discuss.online to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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Long story short I don't feel like I deserve romance in my life yet. I feel like I got nothing to offer. I have felt this way for most of my life. Even though I have developed plenty of hobbies (I dance, skateboard, climb, go to the gym, etc.) and social circles. On one hand I am happy with myself and on another I feel like I can't offer the other party anything, romance wise.

Normally others would say 'You'll find someone dont'cha worry 'bout notin' ya'hear?' But I am at a point now where I hope a woman will not develop feelings for me because I am afraid of disappointing her. And through the years this only been getting worse. I know this is not a good way of thinking but I just can't shake it.

I want to (mentally) change but I just don't know how. So if anyone has got some tips for me (really anything goes) that might help I would very much appreciate it.

Note: I don't care if the process of learning self love is slow, I just want to know what the process involves.

Edit: I am reading some great suggestions. So thank you all for that. Just as a reminder, I am not expecting people on the internet to fix my problems. Just some general, rule of thumb, tips (and or tricks).

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[–] partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 points 3 months ago

Long story short I don’t feel like I deserve romance in my life yet. I feel like I got nothing to offer.

Turn this perspective around. Assume you have a mate. Describe what things you like about them such as:

Character

Do they offer help to people they know?
Do they offer help to people they don't even know?
How do they treat people in service industries?
What charities do they support (if any)?
Do you think they have reasonable interactions with their family?
How honest are they with themselves when they make mistakes?
How do they treat the feelings of others?

Finances/Employment/Career

Are they able to cover their bills?
Do they have a level of ambition with regards to their career that you respect?
What does their savings look like?

Intelligence/Education

Do you feel they have completed sufficient schooling?
Can they handle difficult situations on their own or are they constantly reliant upon others to navigate adult life for them?

..etc.

Now, how do you stack up against your list of traits and values you want for your mate? Do you see any particular shortcomings in yourself? If so, that's your list to work on and you can know you can offer your mate exactly what you are looking for from them.