pour superglue on them so everything stays put, pour solvent when you want to take them off
this post was submitted on 08 Mar 2026
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Screw them to your feet.
Gordian Knot style. Every time you put on your shoes, make a knot that cannot be untied. Every time you take off your shoes, cut the knot with a sword.
Removing the laces from the shoes of the person next to you, and using them for your shoes?
Tying them to the shoes of the person next to you?
Killing an animal to use their sinew as a shoelace
i don't think this is it, but many years ago i would lace my sneaks from the top to the bottom, so the bow would be down near the toes. i thought it was cute. it was definitely weird and inconvenient, but not reprehensible.
No, it was.
Ladder lacing. specifically on boots, is a means by which white supremacists / neo nazis identify each other in public.
Oh fuck.
That's for letting me know this- I would have eventually tried this one out someday thinking it looked neat lol
how is that different from just normal snearker lacing? i have one pair of "combat boots" looking things, it's for a costume, and i just laced them like my sneakers. now you have me nervous.
with the costume (below) no one's going to confuse it for neonazi, but sometimes i might want to wear them like, i don't know, shoveling.
It's very specific, and you won't be mistaken for one of them if you do it "wrong", and you will do it "wrong" if you're not in the know. I'm not in the know, so I don't know how to do it, but I know someone who is (in the know, not in one of those groups).
Well that's absolutely made up, but I bet it goes viral.
I have a source I believe to be reliable about such topics, who probably would want to remain anonymous. If this isn't true, then they're fucking with me, which is entirely possible but I think unlikely about this.
Don't tie them at all. Just go through life with the laces dangling, freaking out every little old lady who sees them, and becomes deathly afraid that you will trip, and fall down.
Na you’re just waiting for old lady to step on that lace so you can yank your foot and watch them break a hip. “Oh I ws just walking here. So sorry. Not intentional at all”. Like a true sociopath would.
*old lady falls*
you: HEY I'M WALKIN HERE
Ironically, most people don't know how to tie their shoelaces even if they think they do.
I'm not going to suggest this article isn't helpful but this:
- It's not some “Old Wives Tale” – it's based on millennia of established knowledge;
is 100% AI slop (ed: training material). That's where I stopped paying attention (ed: and shouldn't have).
👉 "it's not X it's Y" is a a good indicator. Humans use this but AI fucking loves it, and generally in this order. "It's X not Y" is a weaker indicator. This isn't enough for me to be certain but it instantly triggers skepticism
👉 Clarifying something that was never in question to begin with. That's not a subtle hint — it's a dead giveaway. It's contextual; humans use this rhetorical pattern, but not to deny something there is no existing implied suggestion of
👉 emdash is a weak indicator, but combined with the rest increases suspicion. "But this isn't an emdash!" That's because as search and replace was used to replace them with regular dash, but the usage is the same
👉 finishing a bullet with a semi-colon? (is that a thing? I've never seen anyone do it, AI or human — I'm going to go with atypical usage not indicative either way but I'm going to start looking for that as a pattern.)
👉 I used emojis instead of bullets because irony amuses me and it's a very AI thing to do. If it didn't trigger a question in your head of whether this comment is written by AI, it should have. Pay attention.
Oh my god, right? I'm so used to it at this point that I don't even have to do forensics on it because it will inherently annoy the fuck outta me whenever I see it lmao
It always reads like an edgy 12 year old with main character syndrome wrote it.
Not 11.
Not 13.
But 12 — the prime of youth — a microtruth vibe of quiet acknowledgement.
And when that feeling shifts?
That's when you truly see the excess needless paragraph indents for what they are.
Not a desperate vye for the appearance of being deep — never a desperate vye — But a signature of lolsorandom AI speak trying to look a credible source.
Finger gun list? 100% AI
👉Bad Ideas👈
👉i have an idea
👉i think it's a good idea
👉which mean's it's a bad idea
👉do you think
👉👈i mean really think
👈it'd be okay if we kissed
👈and i mean really kissed
👈with butt grabbies and everything
👈under the finger gun bullets list
Beep boop zoop
Don't you talk like that about Ian.
Dude's site was used to train AI.
Also, thank you for your hyper-vigilance. It amuses me, and for your sense of irony in using AI to criticize something that predates AI as being written by AI.
Chef's kiss.
and these are nice shoes too. has anyone ever noticed how nice these shoes are?
For the record I used AI mannerisms, but it was 100% human written. But anyone would be forgiven for thinking otherwise because I deliberately invoked AI-stylings in my writing.
This is an anecdote but I've found that website years before any LLM ever got reported on, circa 2012 maybe? Idk I don't remember. I used it for other shoelacong patterns as well between maybe 2012 - 2017 when I was into sneakers and tried to prettify the laces when I realized I'm not into collecting overpriced shoes made from poor quality materials.
You're right. I was wrong. Sorry. Still leaving it because I think it's solid analysis, but I'll cop that it's not perfect.
Personally I appreciate the reminder how to suss out AI slop.
About finishing a bullet point with semicolon, I only encounter that when I started working 10 years ago and got into a big project with a lot of reports and planning documents were written and revised. Seems to line up with Merriam Webster's definition
i could see ending a bullet point with a semicolon if you were turning a nested list into bullet points. by nested list, i mean something where you are using the semicolons as your larger dividers and your commas as your smaller dividers (eg: our favorite Normans: Norman, Ohio; Norman, Utah; Norman, Alberta; and Norman Johnson) normanly in that sitiation i'd pull the semicolon off the end, but that's more of a taste decision. brevity. blah blah blah. the semicolon at the end, does it add to clarity or detract, or nothing at all? if detract or nothing, get rid of it.
I agree with your last portion fot using the semicolon. I do sometimes try to shoe horn it in though lol
I've been sharing that link around for a decade. It was written way before anyone had even heard of LLMs.
Edit: I noticed you acknowledged the error. Hats off to you for that.
Was expecting this link to be a Rickroll tbh
Using paid help from a third world country to tie them for you as their only job.
Extra sociopathic point for by finding the exact person who made your shoes in the third world country sweatshop and bringing them over on a work visa to work for you as a shoe-tyer
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Extra long laces and don't tie them
No laces, use cable ties instead. Snip them off with wire cutters after each wear.
Like this? I've done this for years on my work shoes. Normal laces don't withstand sparks from angle grinder. I just keep them loose enough that I can get them on and off without cutting. I never open my shoelaces either.
This actually IS what they do in psych wards, so, this might be the most technically correct answer.
Haha holy shit
But don't snip them flush when you strap them on so there's a sharp piece of plastic waiting to gouge your hand open if you're not careful.
Using cats' guts as shoelace, like violins in the good ol' days.
Violins used to have shoelaces? The more you know.
Things really went downhill when violins stopped wearing little shoes.
How much adderall are you on to think of a question like that? And using baby sinew as laces.
Use a tank of compressed CFC to pump up your shoes, then release it into the atmosphere when you take them off.
Since most of these comments are quite over the top: The worst way to do it imo that you can still realistically do every time you put your shoes on without much issue is wrapping the laces around the sole of the shoe so you walk on the laces with every step.
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In my opinion: exactly like you get them in the shop, i.e no relacing, and then idk about the actual knot bit but i think the worst thing would be to make some super strong sailor knot you can never adjust and just brute forcing your feet into and out of the shoe every time.
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