Autism

Back in school, when we were starting to learn english as a foreign language, we were explicitly taught, to answer a "how do you do?" with another "how do you do?" and not to actually respond with how we were doing.

As for the names, I also struggle with that. People greet me like that all the time and I never know, if they are trying to be extra friendly (maybe even because they actually like me and want to show it?), or need to single me out, because they greeted others before, or catch my attention because I'm usually somewhere else with my mind. Or it's just the way they do it and has absolutely nothing to do with me as a person. Also it seems to be mostly women who call me by my name, now that I think about it. I always just reply "hi" without a name, because I always fear to get it wrong and that stresses me out. Though I think my tone changes depending on the person and how happy I am to see them. Sometimes I think about if I should try responding with their name, to let them know I'm actually happy to see them, because I think it actually does make me feel good, when someone I like greets me using my name. But as many others here, I don't really know, if it actually makes a difference for them.

Kinda why I thought I might be a sociopath. I don't ask things like that because I genuinely do not care.

People aren't waiting for the answer so I doubt they even notice that you didn't ask

I rarely use people's names.

Part of my mask is almost always asking people how they are feeling for the day when I first start my interaction with them. I used to avoid that kind of small talk, but it actually super helps me make adjustments to my conversations with them and gives me context to why they might speak to me a certain way. When I'm in a burn out phase, I tend to avoid it though because I don't really have the mental energy to process their responses and want to disconnect as quickly as possible.

I'm starting to do it more recently, and almost always it feels awkward because I'm mostly doing it because it what I should do, for the reason of... it is what is done.

TIL I am autism

Same. It’s hard to remember because I assume people ask me because they care about the answer instead of it just being a social ritual. For the same reason I don’t ask it back because I genuinely don’t care.

The solid three minutes after someone asks me how I'm doing before I remember to ask it back, just about every time 😬

Someone said that those Floskeln are there to feel out if you are dangerous.

As soon as I thought of all that stuff more like signals that you won't attack and your intentions aren't malicious, it made more sense.

I find it's best to just avoid people wherever possible

Notice my daily post is "Hey What's Going On!" And not "How are you?"

I think it's especially important to ask them back if they didn't actually mean it in the first place.

Normies are weird, you just have to learn some arbitrary rules to coexist with them. It might feel fake, but it's genuine to them.

not autistic, but yeah thats me

These days I'm old and wise. I'll remember asking about the other person right after the conversation ended, not a week after.

Wait what!?!!?

Though yeah, i kinda totally forget that I'm supposed to randomly ask about small things as well from other people, not just exchange of information.
Kinda like forgetting to show interest in the other person, well technically there is a grain of truth there as i generally do lack that interest and doing it manually is prone to forgetting it.

Though it's kinda understandable, autism does effect the social and emotional side of me the strongest.

You don't have to reply back with the person's name, unless it's unclear who you're addressing, which should be abundantly clear in an interaction like:

"Hey Devin!" "Hey, what's up."

Adding the "what's up" is important though, or something to the same effect ("how are you", ...), because it helps support the conversation and keep it flowing.

Just mirroring the "Hey" can feel terse and unwelcoming, like you're not interested in talking because you're not providing the other person a "conversational path" they can follow up on.

As the conversation continues, usually both parts will be providing "paths" that the other can choose to take, according to their interests.

That depends on the culture. I have a british coworker who says "hi, how are you" as a greeting, not as a question.

Yes, but I try to remind myself that it’s the correct thing to do even if I’ll get non answers like ”just fine” 95% of the time (even if they’re not ”just fine”)

People usually only explicitly state each other's names when they either need to differentiate to whom they are talking when more than one person could be the subject, or to create lazy exposition in a TV show.

Also they don't actually care how you are and won't expect anything except that you're fine, it's just a social ceremony.

These social customs are derived from genuine interactions with friends. I'm curious how you deal with talking to people you care about? When I ask my friends how they are doing I'm actually curious about their lives, and I expect them to also be curious about mine. This type of reciprocation is necessary for a friendship in my opinion.

I don't know if im autistic but I have never been exactly mainstream. I think my neighbors like me well enough but I also think im strange to them. Some I take some sort of personal slight from me but honestly those folks are like ones its just as well if they avoid me. One thing that is wierd is the tribalism thing. Like people expect if you agree with them on one thing you will on all things. So some people are like mad at you at times but then fine with you based on your lasst conversation. I have no idea when people started expected everyone to agree with them all the time.

Yes. I always attributed this to my social anxiety (which led me to being very isolated growing up, minimal social interactions, etc.) but I can also see how it could've been both. At this point, I've never truly felt confident enough to hold any form of small talk with people due to lack of social cues like the image mentions and some other stuff.

Hey, LadyButterfly, I have this problem all the time.

I'm doing great, thanks, kbye.

I'm quite sociable but also very quiet. I'm thinking being polite of not disturbing or interrupting people. However, at some point I start to wonder why nobody is talking to me. Well, duh, I should ask or talk to people, but this never crosses my mind or just flys past me.

"I am functioning within normal parameters."

I don't have a problem with it, but the normies sure do seem like they do.

I'm the same. Don't really care for small talk

Protip: if you ask how they're doing you have to talk less.