me_irl

Asking my life partner how their day was is not small talk. Asking the same question from the cashier at the grocery checkout is small talk.

People think that "i hate small talk" must mean "i want big talk" because they cannot comprehend the idea of just shutting tf up

Do people in relationships actually talk about useless shit all day??

Talking random bullshit with someone you know well is great, performative socially masked pleasantries specifically chosen for their generality, and uncontroversial nature is immensely draining emotionally and mentally.

I hate small talk, vehemently opposed to it... been married over 15 years...

When it is someone you truly love and cherish... even the most mundane things come with a sense of beauty and wonder, because it's them. Their thoughts, their opinions, their take on whatever applies the meaning. My wife and I can talk about the rain and the trees and the bugs and the birds for hours, for no other reason than it gives us a chance to be together.

Looking at it the way the post does... you're missing the forest because of all the trees.

Okay, so here's the thing. My wife and I have been doing this to each other for nearly 20 years. She's a philosophy major. I'm a math major. This was probably one of our first big arguments. Any time either one of us stumble on a proof or a study or a tangential bit of theory or semi-relevant meme, we will immediately reignite the struggle session over free-will for the rest of the week.

That's what normies don't get about introverts: we're not above small talk, we're above small talk when it's all there is. Of course we'll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we'll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we'll talk to say meaningful things.

Else, there's folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to 'scorching hot sex'.

I don't mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It's a waste of energy and time.

We're both autistic and therefore both hate small talk. Problem solved.

Some people are just scared of silence I guess.

"Hi honey, i'm home".

Talking To my partner isn't small talk. Sustaining a conversation with a coworker who won't shut the fuck up is small talk

My bf and I barely talk at all. It's fucking awesome just being comfortable shutting the fuck up together.

hi honey I'm home

well, looks like rain tonight

you said it

Peak romance ❤️

Yes. Works for me.

With silence. Peace and tranquility. Simply enjoying someone's very presence without needing to verbalize it

What's wrong with silence? You don't have to talk continuously.

The definition of small talk is literally establishing common ground in some way. It's only meant for people you don't or barely know.

It's absolutely unnecessary for people you already know deeply.

Firstly, that sounds great. Secondly small talk is meaningless filler, not common topics, so asking common things is not small talk as long as I actually care and participate in the conversion (like "how are you?" Or "how was your day?" Or even "interesting weather today")

My husband and I absolutely do discuss free will and other philosophical questions. Being able to have those conversations is what drew us together.

Some people talk about the weather or their local sports squadrons. We would rather discuss the ethical implications of modern technology or the nature of knowledge or art.

The more I read into this thread, the more I appreciate being German. I don't talk to the cashier besides smiling at them and saying hello and goodbye and they don't expect me to. I only talk to people I want to talk to, besides at work. But even there I keep it low.

It's not that I don't like to talk. I just prefer to talk with a meaning.