this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

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Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

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-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] rockerface@lemmy.cafe 24 points 6 days ago

Finally, a healthy and eco-friendly alternative to genAI girlfriend!

[–] gigastasio@sh.itjust.works 11 points 6 days ago

Taught mine to roll a joint, then he took all my weed and sold it, came back acting like he had no idea what happened and was all like idk I just found this new Apple Watch.

[–] sam_the_tech@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Unfortunately, you cannot bring the smoking drinking monkey indoors at most establishments these days

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

Never drink alone. You aren't alone in a bar. This is a Pandemic era innovation in monkeybusiness.

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

Man, Europe sounds miserable these days!

You try and keep the smoking drinking money outside without me, I'll be inside drinking and smoking with my monkey

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Can I order a smoking monkey? I don't drink much anymore

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Well, they do drink no matter what, but they dont need much!

that monkey better stay the hell out of my rum!

[–] Salamanderwizard@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago

If it doesn't smoke is it really a drinking buddy?

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

$14.99?!?

I'll do all of that for free. Just the cost of booze and smokes. I too am not picky about brand and will drink most anything. (I'm ok at pickpocketing)

[–] BurnedDonutHole@ani.social 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Yeah but you're not a monkey are you? If I wanted to drink with humans I would have done it friends or strangers at a bar.

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

More of an ape than a monkey, but I'm told I'm fun at parties.

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Have you SEEN the price of whisky these days? The cost of getting that little fucker drunk and lightfingered is negligible, even if he smokes like a chimney

[–] CapuccinoCoretto@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

That's why I agreed to do it for free.

[–] onlyhalfminotaur@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

Can't wait to eat that monkey

[–] Dispassionate@quokk.au 7 points 6 days ago

The only friend I’ve ever wanted.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)

What if I don't want to share my liquor?

[–] Godric@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Mibkeys need like a shot of whisky to get hammered you stingy bastard! I'd call you a caveman but they at least would throw a dog a bone

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago

Are you drunk now? If so... MY MAN!

And no... Joey doesn't share booze