You should write a tiny letter
this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2026
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Been thinking of hosting a webcrawler myself.
Sweet! Let me know when your Codeberg page is up. Meanwhile, are you leaning in any particular direction?
You could collect the spider silk and weave a cape. Golden Spider Silk Cape
I'm not well enough versed in the ways of textiles and such. But if the silk conducts current, maybe I could create some sort of signal carrying wires? And if they exceed CAT8 speeds, I'll trademark them.
First, do you have access to a spider sized pen that it could use to sing a contract?
Hm... I have some ideas, but not ready to use pens: I'll dip my smallest screws - M.2 securing screws - in ink and hand it over to them as a "house" warming gift?
You have already realized that deception will be key. Bravo. Make sure you photograph the spider close to the paragraph that says "I have read and understood this entire agreement." This will be key to future enforcement actions.
I just love that you call it a network rack
π
It also goes under
- RashΕmon (ancient gateway in Japan, when I talk to it)
- it's complicated (when troubleshooting/talking to my ISP)
Looks like you found yourself a network debugger
I was going to say web admin but yours is good too.
OKAY. I thought all the funny responses were already exhausted xD <3
Came here to say this. Thank you for making my job easier!
Seems to be a hard working web developer, surely he can pay his rent
Developing the web and catching bugs, sounds like they're earning their keep
No doubt! I should be thankful!
Wow, nice rack!!!
His pest removal services are worth nothing? You're already bartering.
Shoot! I had completely forgotten about that! Well, I'm convinced. They can stay rent free! :D
By avoiding being a capitalist landlord, you have become a feudalist landlord.
Except this is entirely on the spider's terms. Land is given but there's no quota, no tax. The spider may come and go as he pleases and only needs to catch enough pests to feed himself.
I love this thread
Me too. I have no earthly idea on how it "blew up" like this. π€£π©·
It gets to keep 25% of the bugs he catches. You get to eat the other 75%.
Any changes to the web will void it's deposit and you get to eat 500 of it's bugs to repair any damage.
Utilities are not included. There will be a 5 bug charge for each droplet of water it drinks from the faucet. Even though it lives near WiFi, there is a hookup fee and monthly cost of 25 bugs.
If it is late on monthly bug payments for more that 1-week. You get to eat it's web and all the bugs. The spider will be taken outside on a paper towel or in a cup and left on the nearest leaf.
Implement those and you'll eat like a king!
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You've considered a capitalist solution, but have you considered
Restorative justice: the spider is a trespasser, but will likely not find enough prey to survive. Capture the spider and relocate it to a suitable habitat where it can thrive. Check on it occasionally to ensure it is doing well
Libertarian anarchism: leave it be. It will die, survive, or thrive on its own terms
Authoritarianism: tell the spider if it doesn't remove itself it will be arrested, start ordering it to get on the ground, fire 13 rounds at it, preferably missing all shots but hitting a nearby toddler. Institute martial law against the "foreign threat", citing the recent death of a toddler
House spiders generally donβt survive outdoors. Theyβre cave-dwelling species and they seek out indoor spaces by instinct.
I didn't know that, everyday is a schoolday.
This is a very good point. In rebuttal
A. I did say "a suitable habitat"
B. I was very clearly shitposting
Sure, though my comment wasnβt strictly a rebuttal to yours. It was as much an FYI to anyone who stumbled across our comments and has relocated spiders outside out of a desire to save them.
I'm glad you posted your original comment. I tend to be pretty tongue-in-cheek, both online and IRL. Sorry if it comes off as abrasive, in my mind it's all in good fun. Love you and hope you have a fantastic day <3
No worries! People can be both amused and informed!
This little heartfelt, wholesome back and forth between you two was exactly the medicine that I needed to calm my nerves after I unintentionally started what seems to have become the shitstorm of the ages over at linux@lemmy.ml . May all the spiders of the universe have mercy on my soul.
If youβd like more wholesomeness and spiders, check out Travis McEneryβs The Spiders in Your House series. He goes really in depth on tons of spider science, all about common (and uncommon) house spider species! Both wholesome and informative stuff!
Wow! You've just disrupted my sleep for a few months to come and I am grateful! :D
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Its already a work in place of rent situation. I have tenants with similar contract in my kitchen window, my shower ceiling, the storage/work room window, and the one that doesn't follow the rules in the front entrance arch who is likely to be evicted.
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Indoctrinate the spider that it will catch many more bugs by using AI tools, and then let it pay.
I cannot be held responsible for when it eventually falls into spider AI psychosis.
Even more gain! Do you know what prozac does cost? Its family will need to pay the pharmacy bills if it doesn't want their loved one ending up homeless.
You're evil and I don't hate it.
impose rent?
but...
it's already working for you, setting up traps for flies.
bloody capitalists... always short-sightedly, myopically, trying to maximise wealth extraction.
rent? itβs keeping your house pest freeβ¦ you owe it money
(also obligatory thatβs not a spider THIS is a spider from australia)
The problem with the implicit size comparison in the Crocodile Dundee reference is that Australian spider size is inversely proportional to their actual danger.
I went here to tempt fate. Jesus Christ. If it's any one of these living in my access point, I don't know... Would a Norwegian reboot kill it?
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