this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2025

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ancient problems need ancient solutions... (europe.pub)

submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) by NichEherVielleicht@feddit.org to c/comicstrips@lemmy.world

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[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 106 points 6 days ago (7 children)

Ancient solutions??? Shit! That would work TODAY!!!

If Kamala Harris had promised bigger penis's to all men if elected, she would be president right now.

Thats how I know all those pills and whatnot aren't worth trying. If ANYTHING worked, it would become a competition. And suddenly it wouldn't even be about if women liked it. Guys would be walking around with 60 inch dicks complaining they aren't big enough, because their neighbor is 90 inches soft.

And the human race would end, because no woman would be able to even take dicks anymore, so they'd just stop having sex.

And guys would STILL keep growing.

But none of that is real. So I know anything selling penis enlargement is a scam without needing to even try.

[–] Hazmatastic@lemmy.world 46 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Twist: There is a reliable method, but it is being suppressed because penis insecurity drives so many behaviors that it is considered a load-bearing pillar of world economics. Penis equity would lead to global collapse.

[–] defaultusername@lemmy.dbzer0.com 21 points 6 days ago (1 children)

It's being suppressed not by Big Penis, but by Small Penis.

[–] Honse@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 5 days ago

Big small penis is behind this

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 38 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (6 children)

Honest to god, 4-7 inches is indistinguishable. Everyone’s dick is fine. The vagina only has nerve endings down like 2-3”. It’s only really gay men who are size queens, because it’s different for anal. I’ve had good sex with guys with 3”, I’ve had terrible sex with guys with 8”. The size had zero to do with the quality of the sex, it was more about respect/kink/other shit.

Taking 9”+ hurts. Some people are masochists and like that, but istg dick complexes are ridiculous.

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 12 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Man I hate it when I'm around someone with a istg dick complex.

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago (2 children)

“I swear to god” - for emphasis because it’s such an obnoxious thing.

If I could afford a phalloplasty, I’d go for 5” and be delighted with it.

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[–] kip@piefed.zip 5 points 6 days ago

myers brigg dick energy

[–] LustyArgonianMana@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Lol. Lol.

There is a huge difference between 4inches and 7inches.

Sex is satisfying with any dick size and no dicks. Sex is not about the dick.

The biggest dicks I've ever had, were huge porn dicks (10" and 11") and they didn't hurt at all. Ps I'm a sadist/Domme, not a masochist. Everyone has different sized vaginas, and perhaps mine expands really well, but I actually have borderline TOO MUCH tightness per my OBGYN and accomodated them easy. That's because big dicks aren't as hard as the smaller ones and are usually spongey and squishy which feels way different during sex than taking the hardness equivalent of a glass dildo at the same size.

My two favorite dicks (based on sexual physical sensation) were 4.5" and the 10" one named above. Smaller guy just stroked it perfectly and I came so fast with him, I think we just had very good compatibility in what positions felt nice and his dick was a perfect size to reach everything. The 10" guy was nice bc he was still able to stay hard (unlike 11" guy who needed a ring and still got soft, but his dick was also WAY bigger around, like soda can sized) and his dick had a perfect sponginess+width to it that my lips gripped, it was super super good.

Many women like cervical orgasms and full penetration, the vagina has nerves along the entire length.

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[–] MacNCheezus@lemmy.today 3 points 5 days ago

If Kamala Harris had promised bigger penis's to all men if elected, she would be president right now.

No, because nobody would have believed her, for the same reasons you outlined below.

Now if AOC had run she might have been able to get away with it, but she’s starting to approach the age where that spell just doesn’t work anymore.

[–] Damage@feddit.it 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Something can be ancient and still valid today.

We're still using many Roman bridges.

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemmy.zip 4 points 6 days ago (1 children)

forms penis into Roman bridge

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[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 83 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I cast a spell to make them titties just bounce

I speak in a language only wizards can pronounce

Gimme my spells, gimme my book, gimme my cauldron and something to cook

I'm a crazy ass wizard, I ain't going to die, trust me on that, many have tried

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 40 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Spell activates, but all men in a 10 km radius get instant double D cups.

[–] mycodesucks@lemmy.world 37 points 6 days ago

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

[–] starman2112@sh.itjust.works 12 points 6 days ago (1 children)

:3B

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[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

Chalice with that potion that sets in motion the erosion of reason for commotion like fire in a ball where you dance not slow but real low unlike damage 5d6 to the liver but got an organ grow lotion see so I'm good G.

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 38 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Ok, I'm gonna need an Oglaf version of this.

[–] SapientLasagna@lemmy.ca 7 points 6 days ago

Best I can do is SMBC

[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 16 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

Why have I seen this joke 500 times in the last 2 weeks in meme format and in shorts format and multiple languages?

[–] RickyRigatoni@retrolemmy.com 17 points 6 days ago (5 children)

we (men) are trying to get back in the coven's good graces so they can help us with the source of all human misery (dick too small)

[–] blx@lemmy.zip 5 points 6 days ago

The source of all human misery? Oh man, as if I didn't feel the pressure enough already...

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[–] RedFrank24@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Unless it's Ancient Greece! There, if you had a massive dong they'd call you a stupid barbarian.

[–] Baphomet_The_Blasphemer@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

Like much of everything else, the Romans stole/adopted this Greek mentality as well.

[–] TurboHarbinger@feddit.cl 5 points 5 days ago

I know this spell too ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[–] morto@piefed.social 15 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The same people that looked for "witches" in search of remedies and formulas for things like erectile dysfunction, penis enlargement, love formulas, and all kinds of related stuff were often the same ones shouting "burn the witch" and wanting them dead. Never underestimate human hypocrisy.

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[–] loomy@lemy.lol 11 points 6 days ago (2 children)

is this real?

[–] BuboScandiacus@mander.xyz 20 points 6 days ago (2 children)

No, this is just fanta-sea 🎶

[–] sxan@midwest.social 13 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Caught in a landslide 🎤🎶

[–] Sonor@lemmy.world 15 points 6 days ago (2 children)

no escape from big wee-wee

[–] squaresinger@lemmy.world 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Easy cum, easy go

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[–] Dragonborn3810@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Damn big wee-wee! They're putting Cum-trails in the sky! To turn everyone gay!

[–] Sonor@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

Cum-trails. Now that is an image straight from the 5g chip in my brain xD

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[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 14 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (4 children)

I tracked down the source to simplysilly but am unable to go further due to not having an instagram account.

So far doesn't seem AI. I certify it "likely real."

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[–] christian@lemmy.ml 2 points 5 days ago

Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

[–] anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 6 days ago (4 children)

It would not be a solution in ancient Greece/Rome, where a small penis was part of the beauty standard.

[–] Alcoholicorn@mander.xyz 7 points 6 days ago

If the people will not love her, they can fear her.

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[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 7 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Women in tall hats used to brew beer - which makes your penis feel bigger - in a cauldron at markets, but then men wanted to brew beer so they drove the women out and the image became part of the iconography of witchcraft.

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