The Onion

(Washington DC) As rumors continue to fly about which sex tape trump will release to distract the media from the Epstein files, one online posting from the president is drawing attention from what he didn’t say.

In a message on truth social this morning, trump posted, “just saw something a bit too racist, thought about posting but decided not to, thank you for your attention on this matter.”

Press Secretary Leavitt had this comment in her morning news briefing: “I don’t personally review the content [the president sees], but I trust him to release only the information America needs to see, and that is what he does.” She refused to comment on followup questions regarding the Epstein files.

Still, curiosity in the media has wanting to know what was too shocking for the president to release. Said one White House watcher, “given what he does put out, it would have to be really bad. Like a dog-drowning-a-baby bad.”

Inside sources at the White House are also confused at the president’s tact in the matter. “I’ve seen what he laughs at,” said one, “and it’s got to be really bad if he cares what people think.”