I went through this learning the same example: bus. But other situations, too.
this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2025
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I was like "I'm pretty sure that's autism" and then I saw where I was.
I was relating a little too much and got excited finding something so niche but relatable, expecting this was in a meme community and then facepalmed on the inside when I saw the community 🫠
Enjoy your autism mate
I discovered this year that there was an unspoken rule to get on the bus in the order you arrived at the bus stop at. I had never paid attention to this and just got on in order of proximity to the door when it stopped until I got yelled at. I thought the guy was just being weird but I’ve paid attention since and it is absolutely true, people will move away from the door to let people who have waited longer board first.
Not sure how universal this is, I’m in the UK.
UK, home of the queue! Although we Americans inherited the tradition of the queue from you and skipping the line is very much frowned upon here, I don't recall anyone caring about who gets onto public transportation first. I know I've never thought about it. Who's paying attention to what order people arrive at a bus stop, anyway??
This has to be a UK thing. Elsewhere I've only ever seen people with accessibility needs prioritized.
I'm in the UK and tend to do this. I don't notice it done by most people though.
We do seem to have a learned behaviour to queue here, so it makes sense to me that some people maintain a virtual queue in their head.
It's a courtesy thing that some people will do and some people won't, in my city people tend to do ladies first then by arrival time.
As a kid I didn't know you need to press the stop button and just assumed the bus stops at all stops every time. Somehow I got through 2 years of regular use without missing a stop until I learned about the button.
If there is no buttons you are supposed to yell "next stop please."
Guess I’m just stuck on the bus forever at that point
I've never been on one without a button or wire to pull to indicate stopping.
It's not a fear, it's real. Rules like you aren't allowed to do better than your paygrade.
Some stupid diploma is more important. If you try to learn and improve, people will DESPISE you.
One of the rules I find interesting is that when you ride an elevator you should turn around and face the door.
How are you supposed to know when it's your floor if you're not facing the door?
Not saying there is a wrong direction to face while riding an elevator (without further context), but it always just made sense to me to face the door you expect to open when the elevator gets to the floor you're traveling to. Like, nothing stops you from facing sideways on a moving sidewalk, but facing the direction you intend to go when the ride is over is more convenient.
Yeah the door face is where the buttons and floor indicator are typically. Plus, other people might join the elevator before you get to your floor. Assuming you would rather be facing them then showing them your back it makes sense to turn around right away.
There are some social conformity experiments on youtube about getting people to face the "wrong" way though.
I can certainly see situations to face the other way, and wouldn't think twice if I got in an elevator and someone was facing away from the door. It just seems less of a social construct and more of just practicality.
Now, who gets to press the buttons in the elevator, and whether you should ask for someone to press it for you or ask them to move aside so you can press it, are definitely things I struggle with if there is a group of people getting on an elevator at the same time. (I usually just let that one go without me and wait for another one)
an elevator with two doors appears
Vordt.mp4 begins to play in the background.
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Is that not just “trying to fit in”?
I've had this for the most time, social fear with exactly that thinking. I did overcome it in the last years though. I can't really explain how but I internalized that other people can be like that too, so you're not alone, and that when there are no rules, you can behave how it's comfortable to you and that's 100% fine.
I found a secret. Normal people also feel like this, they are just better at reading the ambient rules.
It turns out, if you project your own mindset with enough confidence, they will sync to your rules. No need to figure out the rules, when you've already redefined them to suit yourself.
Or just be me, ADHD as hell, and be oblivious that there are rules that I'm unaware of until like age 30 :D
You say that but when I took my pants off on the airplane, they arrested me when we landed.
Agreed, it has its limits. Trying to get a library karaoke session going, to reduce exam stress also ends poorly.
This peaks when the police drives by.
Am I actually allowed to sit on this park bench?
Am I actually allowed to sit on this park bench?
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That is the normal human experience, I think.
Phew. Good. For a moment I thought I might be on the spectrum.
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Worst case is when there are some written rules, but there's a spoken agreement (which you don't know about) to ignore some of those rules
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Ughhhhh, this drudged up a painful old memory.
When I was in elementary school, I went to a sleepover. One of the girls was Jewish and brought out a dreidel. I didn't know much about dreidels, but I did know I have a tendency to miss important cues and could easily offend somebody by accident. She offered me to play, but all I could think about was "this is an important object to her and her religion. If I fuck up, I'll definitely be offending her."
I was terrified of doing something wrong, so I declined to play.
Turns out, that was the biggest fuck-up of all. She immediately started accusing me of being anti-Jewish. I was overwhelmed and confused, and no amount of explaining my reasoning could push away that accusation.
Anxiety strikes again.
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Yes. So very yes. I'm over 40 now and have most social situations set as templates or template variations, but as a teenager and young adult it was hard to get the unspokenly expected responses and reactions right.
These days I got it all covered so well that I have anyone and everyone so convinced that I am an extrovert that they actually laugh when I suggest I'm in truth an introvert and more.
I still am overly self conscious too much, especially AFTER any interactions, reflecting way too much on how I might have come over, seemed, what was too much, not enough, etc.
It's a mask I can no longer turn off as it's automated and its very exhausting.
But it works... Based on my observations.
This is me. I could have written every word of this (if not so succinctly). I often wonder how much of my fatigue is due to wearing the mask all the time.
I use social templates too, to varying degrees of success. Older people at the supermarket are easy, younger people at work are hard. Useless on teens, useful on LEO. As far as reflecting too much, I used to too, until I got a kitten. I tell him my thoughts out loud and he listens...I think. Anyway it works, you'll feel more at ease and less anxious discussing you existential crisis to a furry friend 😺
Is this template thing not... Just how life works?
Like, I've taken enough sociology and anthropology classes to know that humans these systems of behavior into our societies. We go into church and there is a set of behaviors expected, we go to the grocery and there is a set of behaviors expected when speaking with the clerk, et cetera, et cetera.
But, like, is this a ND thing to need to memorize the templates for these interactions? Because that's my whole life. Stand back, try to remain unseen, observe, memorize, then I can interact. Is that not just what everyone does?
Y'all, I'm having a little bit of a crisis here
I feel that for many people it simply comes more naturally.
It's a seamless scale and I just presume I'm missing some receptors others have socially so I have to compensate with templates.
Yes, people all have to learn what is what in which society and what situation or environment. I think it's a major difference in constant self reflection others dont have that much and how raw data arrives. For me its like I perceive things slighty differently than most and I have to first convert it to a alternative viewport to make it fit properly.
Small differences can have a big impact on if something is awkward or normal.
Very relatable. Being afraid of doing anything new because I'm so sure I'll mess it up and do it wrong or get asked something I'm not prepared for. Same reason I want to try and research things as much as possible beforehand. It's not as bad as it used to be for me but I definitely still relate.
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