Ask Lemmy

I used to genuinely worry as an 8 year old that I’d get older and just lose all sense of fun and silliness.

Turns out in my early 40s I’m just that very same 8 year old but I know a few more things and like boobs more than I used to.

I'm 42, and I feel like I'm cosplaying and LARPing as an adult. I'm able to convince everyone but myself.

Mortage, kids, and a pretty nice career is my equivalent of a fursuit - something to hide behind in an effort to find acceptance from likeminded.

Just hit the big 40 recently and I still feel just as immature as I did in my twenties. Just with a bunch of new and exotic pain.

You're fine, some days I barely feel human let alone adult. I imagine the overwhelming majority are faking it till they make it. It's one of those clichés that's cliché for a reason.

Sounds like we're all in the same boat here.

Adulting is an illusion.

I only really feel like an adult when I spend time with kids and young people. Even though the students I teach are at university, and thus technically adults... I'm always struck by how often they seem 'immature'.

And to be clear, I don't even really mean that as a criticism. Sure, at times they don't pay attention and forget to do things and seem akward/nervous. But "adults' do all those things too. The difference is the adults have generally accepted these flaws and come up with coping strategies (both good and bad) like avoiding those situations, or blaming other people.

So, what makes me feel like an adult is not that I'm on top of things, or that I'm no longer a mess. It's that I know I'm a mess, and I no longer hope that one day I'll get everything sorted, and tbh, that's fine.

Adult is just being 18+ years old. What you may be looking for is how to mature as an adult. That’s done by trying, failing, and learning over and over again. You’ll always have some fear of new things, but you eventually learn how to bounce back from failure to reduce the fear. As you get older, you’ll lose the support of family because they die. As that happens, you’ll learn to fend for yourself. You will not mature if your are doing the same old stuff because it’s comfortable.

I'm 30 and feel barely any different than I did as a teenager. Probably doesn't help I still live with my parents. Although going to my childhood best friend's funeral on Sunday might shake things up.

My little daughter thinks I'm an adult and calls me daddy

"Being an adult" means doing all the things your parents did when you were young with the confidence and determination you assumed they had at the time.

Also doesn't help that much of modern management culture is suffocatingly paternalistic. Bosses want you to continue getting an education, they want you to dress a certain way, they're out assigning you work after hours, they're harping on you for showing up late or leaving early without regard to traffic conditions or life events. There's HR policy around shaming you for being overweight or diabetic or pregnant that's pitched as "how you can save some money!" but mostly revolves around saving the company paid sick leave and benefits. You're told to save in a 401k, but forbidden from managing your money independent of a brokerage. You're told to live independent of parents or roommates, but without the income to afford a home or an apartment convenient to your workplace. You're constantly subjected to reviews and milestones that only ever seem to monopolize your time and never result in career advancement.

You get the same attitude from businesses you interact with - everyone from salesmen to bill collectors to DMV officials have a way of talking down to you and using shame or disappointment to manipulate your behaviors. TV is increasingly just a series of jangling keys. Social Media is just 40 year olds who act like they're still in High School. PTA meetings feel like the blind leading the blind, as you meet with people who are just as infantilized as you've been, trying to convey why this month's deluge of standardized tests is more important than the last in a way you'll believe more than they do.

And that's before you get to the fucking Police. An entire multi-billion dollar bureaucracy dedicated to being America's abusive stepfather.

It sucks out there, man.

I don't know what the word "adult" means. It's just a made up term we tell kids so we can guide them more effectively towards not falling off a cliff and dying.

Fake it til you make it

I don't know about feeling like an adult, but I don't feel like a kid, that's for sure.

Never really have. Around 8 or 9, I stopped wanting to get any older and since then I've always felt like I was pretending to be my age rather than being it.

I understand that a lot of other adults are also pretending, but I've all but ceased to be able to keep up the charade.

For example, I own a house, and even managed to look after things for a while, but that was a struggle and there's no way current me is up to any of that.

I envy others' strength and ability.

In my experience the only defining trait of being an adult is that you suddenly start to like getting socks as a present.

Being adult is highly overrated. Look at all the "serious" people ruining the world with their greed and selfishness. Never let the inner child die. Children inherently understand morals that adults corrupt with religion and over-thinking.

No one ever truely grows up, some people are just better at hiding it.

Last night I ate two bowls of knock-off cinnamon crunch at 23 o’clock, simply because I hadn’t had cereal in a while. My parents would have sure been like “why? Just wait for breakfast.”

I’m 40.

As someone pushing 40, this thread is full of people who sound like fun.

I feel like an adult, but I feel like very few others actually are

Yep. At least partially. Never been able to achieve any of the milestones of adulthood. Marriage, home ownership, kids, etc. Could never afford anything.

My body reminds me I'm an adult every day.

Feel still like a kid.

Sometimes feel like a 10 year old in the body of an adult