Ask Lemmy

As I've gotten older and have been going to therapy, I've gotten way more open about my feelings. I grew up in a super stoic family, but I have no problem telling anyone that will listen how I feel. I highly encourage everyone to let people know how you feel.

Female here. I like to keep my feelings private. If something is wrong, you won't know until after the nervous breakdown.

Male here. By now I can and do express my feelings. It took a while. It is an odd power move at times, when you at will articulate and/or show your emotions. Some people can't deal with it.

Yes. But I’m a therapist, so….

Yes, and it feels like it would be easier if I was feminine. However, it is so broad of a topic and depends on how it is met. Many people meet and respect and even appreciate it, but the difference would be that for women it is more normalised and focus becomes on the actual feeling, not on the circumstances and therefore it may feel more accepted and validated to be that way then. I don't think it's a big effect, and it would also vary extremely much depending on culture.

I feel comfortable expressing them, but I see others get uncomfortable when I'm expressing them.

MtF genderfluid here

The more feminine I have become, the more acceptable it is for me to show emotional vulnerability. The more people genuinely listen to me and not treat me like a disgusting animal they are hesitantly entertaining until they can get away.

When I lived as a cis man not even my friends wanted to hear it, and they are good people.

When a man cries in front of his partner for the first time, usually a switch will flip, and that partner will never look at you the same way again. Being vulnerable with even your closest relationships often feels like a mistake.

Men don't talk about their feelings because almost nobody in society has empathy for others, especially if you are more masculine, especially if you "look scary".

The experience being a man is isolating and dehumanizing by default.

AFAB. It got easier after I figured myself out more and treated underlying anxiety issues. I don't think it had to do with gender but I don't know. Some of those anxieties are exasperated or influenced by cultural factors and social roles of course. So, I suppose it depends on where those feelings and stopgaps are on an individual level to some degree. That being said, I find trans people's experiences particularly enlightening on these topics as many have seen both sides of the coin and then some. I hope some of you guys can chime in here.

Cis male. Often yes, but there's always room for improvement. I lean on metaphor a little hard sometimes.

I had a relationship where the other person was very Guess Culture (as opposed to Ask) and that didn't work very well at all.

It's definitely something I've tried to get into the habit of doing since I think it's healthy to be able to, but it is definitely challenging at times.

I never had a problem expressing my feelings because I am secure in myself. Men who fear showing their emotions tend to be young and insecure. Young men get fed so much bullshit about how they should live their lives and carry themselves from all angles.

You have the "progressive" and feminist types try to shame you for being a man and they try to pretend that it's some sort of defect to overcome. The "macho" and misogynist types try to convince you that your gender is a point of pride and that you should double down on the stereotypes they approve of. You have the "traditional" types that try to instill the idea that being a man is a like a job with specific roles that you have to fulfill to qualify. There's many more types, but the point is that you're getting constantly bombarded by all these nonsensical, contradictory, and misinformed ideas about how you must live your life. It's not wonder young men are having an identity crises.

In reality, all these people are full of shit. Masculinity is not a role and it's not a stereotype, it's a state of being. You're masculine because you are a man. Everything that you do is masculine because that's what masculinity is, it's the behavior of men. You being yourself is masculine. There's no need to live to some misguided ideal or rigid standard set upon you by others. You're masculine whether others approve of it or not.

As it happens to be, men are humans, and humans have emotions. It is perfectly natural and healthy for men to express their emotions as they fit. If you're sad cry, if you're upset be mad, if you're filled with joy then be happy, if you're anxious then be afraid. There's no shame in expressing yourself or being vulnerable. These are things that make people interesting and deep. If someone takes issue with that then they're the ones with the problem, not you. If someone can't handle you for you then they're not even worth your time. At least that's how I see things.

I'll say it's hard to open up and i'm probably better at it than most men. I'm a very emotional person.

Depends on to who, there is the ocassional woman who will call you sassy, first sign is them getting upset about you explaining things and calling it mansplaining. Anyone who uses the terms mansplaining/spreading is to be avoided, they spend too much time online and just like complaining.

There's very few people i feel I can actually open up to, maybe just one now that I think about it. Most times I've opened up with someone, whether male or female, I've regretted it lol I'm very emotional so my life's been fun

It is important to talk about what feelings you mean. For example, perhaps you are happy to say something was fun or exciting. That would be you talking about your emotions. Pretty safe even for stereotypical patriarchal men.

What about being angry? Sad? Feeling down? Powerless? Do you ever use those words? How do you use them?

I'm more emotionally open than anyone I know in my age group. I don't think my father quite understood it, and some past girlfriends were uncomfortable with it. My wife, on the other hand, thinks it's just fine. But even so, I've learned that it's in my best interest to keep things to myself with certain people and in certain situations.

Dude, and nope. I feel like I'm expected to be a robot and I fulfill those expectations.

Yes and no. Over the years I've become an open book, willing to talk about how I feel about most things and pretty open about when I'm not doing well for one reason or another. On the other hand one of my buddies tells me he loves me and when I'm not drunk I still feel that tinge of discomfort returning it.

Yeah, kind of. Only with close friends, obviously. Mostly over text as well, that helps. In person, I mostly just act happy, a bit of mild annoyance, and slightly incredulous when something really stupid or weird happens. Mostly the same over text, except I also tell people about my more depressing thoughts. I never truly get angry, even when I probably should. I've never broken anything or lost any measure of control. My emotions have never been anyone else's problem, and they never will be. Cis guy btw, if that helps. Oh yeah, all of the friends are women, one of them is trans.

I'm feel comfortable expressing myself or being vulnerable around people close to me but i really dont enjoy it. It causes people around me so much extra stress and worry that I'd feel its better for myself to deal with it.

Most of the time i am happy or at least content so when im sad I dont feel the need to mention it or talk about it, its just a feeling to me. If I tell people I'm sad that day they will mine for more information and its just annoying.

I feel comfortable expressing my emotions, but I’m less expressive than I might have been due to my upbringing. It usually takes me a little more time to really ‘lean into’ what I’m feeling as well.

I’ve been working on shifting my perspective a bit from my default feeling not being ‘nothing’ but ‘openness’ and I feel this has been having a positive shift for me to embrace what I’m feeling and even what others are feeling.

Dude I’m so repressed I’m not even sure I have emotions

I look at "expressing my feelings" like this:

My feelings are mine. They're mine to have, and mine to be responsible for. I don't need to explain them to anyone for them to be valid.

But I should explain them to certain people, so that those people don't mistake my tone or body language or whatever for something it's not. That explanation isn't for me, it's for them.

So as someone who identifies as male, I don’t have these stupid hang ups about expressing emotions. I’m perfectly fine, letting people know how I feel. I try to respect, social decorum and to be polite, but I don’t hold back my emotions because of my gender expression.

FWIW, I’ve met plenty of women who are ice cold, and hold back their emotions, seeing them as some kind of weakness. I think that’s absurd.

Emotional repression is one of the quickest roads to emotional dysfunction.

I have to get very comfortable with the person to express my feelings. With most of my friends I'm already very comfortable so I usually feel okay talking to them about personal things. With romantic partners... Well if I don't get comfortable enough then I think it was never meant to be.

Of course online, pseudonymously, I have no problem talking about it all. Mostly because I'll never meet any of you, or if I do, I won't know it's you.

I don’t feel comfortable interacting with people irl. So to answer your question no.

I feel very comfortable displaying and discussing my emotions.

Mainly the negative ones im comfortable with. Stuff that annoys me or confuses me. Some happy things like good luck on a bet, or my kids doing well in school or something.

The softer emotions im not comfortable with sharing

Male. Yes. Why the question?

I'm very easy to turn into an emotional wreck thanks in part to my massive anxiety issues. It's one of the many things my therapist is helping me with get under control.

Yep, and I dare someone to do something about it.

Yes. I use irony and strategically disarming frankness to avoid talking about my feelings.