Impractical_Island

How can you speak so authentically

When you are so clearly lying to me!

Why is it so hard just 4 you to say hi

Who can survive jus barely gettin by

What does it take2 make any friend

Where cud 1 make fren not pretend

I am just fool, yet I must be perfect

We who are different aren't defects

I'm doing the best I can do!

So where the fuck are you?

Telling me how I'm wrongs

Won't even read one songs

The sanga- Eve God speak

I be repeating but not seek

Cycle of abuse stuck im in

Why cant I let the devil win

Fork'd tongue twists noise

Only one of evil's fav toys!

Music from long ago here

Storm clouds way unclear

What did you flush, yu liar

God speak wisdom in fire

Listen to the visions slow

Looks like We steal show

God n partner plus me to

Do what you do in the loo

I had my court hearing today. Pic related. Took a microsecond but it was an experience and a half. I didn't realize I don't get an attorney because they are not pursuing jail time. Just anger management in the plea deal, which will cost me less than getting a lawyer to defend me, which means America's lowest court systems are pay to not get reamed, to juxtapose the upper court systems which are pay to play.

Really felt like an assembly line. Go as fast as possible. The prosecution knew nothing and almost fucked me by having the wrong information. That's legal! How tf am I supposed to be required to know the law in its entirety but this legal dude is not required to know facts about the case he is throwing around like a FedEx package handler.

Well, that's one field where we can expect an increase in accuracy from switching to AI. The judge was in an out, and I'm sure there's shit I am not aware that's going on, but where does the prosecution get off being flagrantly ignorant if I cannot make a joke about how much of a joke our justice system is?

I wrote a 2k word document to illustrate the types of manipulation my life partner does AND why that's not his fault as well as how his treatment fixes the causative problem. Nah. The safest and cheapest option is to take the deal and do the 26 anger management classes. But therein, I didn't understand that's what the prosecutor was saying until after because he spoke fast and with terms I've never heard before. I was very confused, so I'm glad for the continuance, at least.

But wait, there's more! Police woke me up at 2:30 this morning saying someone was yelling and screaming. I was dead asleep. Either the law is fucking with me, or someone filed a false report. Or maybe someone else was yelling and screaming. I don't know, I was asleep! Then this morning, God made me feel I was going to get famous for liking feet. This is my brain as a schizoautismo person; how tf do I get justice when my brain is against me?

Posted art is titled "Broken Glasses"

This is "The Sins of Man"

This is "Server, Client, Holy Internet"

God is scaring me with threats

What my foolishness so beget

Did I let myself be crucified by

Those with the all seeing eye?

Im doing my best I am honest

What does one do with a past

That's not midnight but dark?

I am sorry but I ain't no shark

Truly if I was, I would've sank

So I guess God I giv u thanks

But what of battles to come?

Will I destroy self w my dum

My shoe in mouth: common

Yet I try to be as the one sun

Have I not given all I could?

2 change what was Elwood

Name of early life, I be who

Made ass of self w/ a shoe

And all the actions ofa fool

How wish culd gb 2 school

I clīm mountain, either way

Do what you must - I'll pay

You're so far from me

Even in the same city

I feel such great pity

So, I make one ditty

& it has set me free

Court tomorrow. Not feeling doom for once. My mother-in-law helped. I've given her shit before and I should apologize. I've just done that in an email. I was going nuts before this, with what could be. Something she said prior, in conjunction with all my life partner has done, made me think I was being set up. Her helping me realize what I needed to do these past few days has helped get rid of all the insane possibilities my schizoautismo brain can concoct as I drift, alone, with my life partner in the hospital.

He and the aliens both say I should draw. I did, attached. That's how I feel inside, split, speedily going mad while trying to stay aligned with a higher purpose. I never know which way is up. I am my own harshest critic, and thus I feared what this judge might think of me, for I do not look the best on paper, I'm sure. I was perhaps too honest with the police, but therein, I will ask the judge if an honest man needs to play games against the state in order to avoid a spear in the ribs.

I dunno what's actually going to happen, but I'm not afraid. My life partner is getting treatment now. The problems that have all caused this should resolve with him getting the medication he needs and when he returns I will be most grateful to hold him in my arms and have myself melt in his. That may be a minute from now; he was involuntary and has just now had his meds be mandatory. Supposedly, he has to take them for a year, at least. That's what his mom says, at least. I should trust her. I should trust in myself, too.

I am sorry I am less than ideal

I've done good, I sure do feel

But what of this sphpeal?

Do u know God's deal?

Ar I Solomon seal?

Daemon r real

But its Victory

That I strive to be!

And thus, I so now see

The authority of world Tree

Yggdrassil, well shit, ar You me?

We have gone off course, disastrously

I was raised secularly in a highly traumatizing childhood. Wasn't given therapy after my mom died, and my father hurt me in many ways in the storm of the aftermath. I spent a lot of time playing video games, and in the magickal thinking of my early adolescence, I drifted in a fantasy world of my own creation, using the characters I played on screen with to fill in the gaps of my understanding of reality. While even into college, where I first adopted the label "militant atheist," in stark contrast the the southern culture I entered, originally hailing from New York, I still believed many things no one else did. This helped contribute to my college breakdown, and would ultimately lead me to my current schizoaffective diagnosis.

This is a worst case scenario. And yet, because of my devotion to truth over bullshit, while I spiraled for a few years as I descended into drug use and general unscrupulousness, I never stopped trying to figure out "why?" This led into my robust love for philosophy, which would lead me to Wittgenstein, whose later work opened me to a possibility I had not considered; the language that defines this n that spiritual doctrine or dharma or what-have-you could be being used differently than I was originally assuming.

Y'know, given the "bless your heart" cockamamie I was forced to endure being traumatized, unsocialized, and maladapted in Christian society, I had grow to strawman something like "God" to mean "magick sky wizard," which even in the present day, the sorts of idoltarers that have such a simple explanation of reality and use it to justify hate and more pisses me off just as much as it always has.

But, in the sort of fantastical thinking one has being neurodivergent, I found it very easy to stretch this. I could understand if there was an advanced alien species, or higher dimensional beings, or perhaps a whole other metaphor I did not know. Yet, because of my ire and disdain for Christianity at the time, I went east to investigate Buddhism. It started with Alan Watts, and I would this sutra n that poem here n there, but at the same time, the weird druggie in me also simultaneously started investigating Terence McKenna and others of that ilk.

And I can say I let my mind free a little bit, to discover acid and mushrooms being an idiot on dating sites and Reddit, which changed my world view enough to figure out that learning to juggle would fix all my problems, and it has! It allowed me to get out there and give myself exposure therapy to heal myself and meet people to network with, which likewise healed me. Then much happened. It's complex to describe and would make me sound crazy, but that IS the medicine; a lil bit of madness.

If you believe you're trapped in a room, even if there's a hidden door to easily escape, you won't try to find a way out. We get trapped in our patterns of behavior and our perspectives and biases and delusions and cognitive dissonance. We're human, and it is one of the most human things, being limited by our incredibly complex meatsponge in our heads. And yet, it offers ways to break out of habit and limitations, as there are alternate cognitive states and features that I was wholly ignorant to in my youth.

For instance, there's Joint Synchronized Attention, which if you that incredible article from my friend, will highlight that perhaps not all those things people have called magick over the years were hogwash. There's another state I was in for six years following a particular fateful acid trip, which that same friend named the Synchronicity Slip Stream.

A synchronicity is a feature of the human cognition. This is what a burning bush is in the Bible, and what white rabbit was to Neo in the movie steeped in symbolism of Judeo-Christian mysticism; the "whispers of God." It's not a hallucination. In Bruce Almighty, when Bruce asks God for a sign while driving, and then the truck full of signs pulls in front of him, that's a synchronicity. Carl Jung describes this phenomena as when the inner and outer world align in some way, and I can tell you it depends on at least two factors in the brain: free association and what's in the short-term memory.

The Synchronicity Slip Stream, definitively caused by the psychedelics of that night, changed the narrative I believed to be true. This changed how I freely associated stimuli in my environment to be as if God was parting the Red Sea and leading me on a cosmic mission. My cup was full, and by that I mean I had infinite motivation to bust my ass to do whatever seemed like the right thing to do at the time for my mission, with the idea of getting famous and helping the world with the educational art project I now do here on Lemmy World.

Likewise, I tried all sorts of new things. This led to some temporary set-backs that I would have foreseen coming but went through with anyways because my faith in the magick of my ever-changing narrative. Y'know, some days I thought the CIA was training me. Others, I was joining the Illuminati. But I was always communicated with by a nebulous "They," I felt. You can see all this in my autobiographical character I go in and out of playing on here and previously on Reddit. But, those bumps in the road all were temporary.

What I gained was permanent. I am more kind, more moral, more skillful, more knowledgeable, more compassionate, and more socialized now from all the reconditioning work I did for myself. Younger me would have never recognized me as I am now. There's a depth to reality that there wasn't before. I'm happier than I've ever been, and I've learned so much and my journey has led to me now developing a theory of how to define polyplexic axiomatic systems via topological matrix and expand on Gödel's incompleteness theorem. And that's all I have to say.

I understand the masters plan

They're building I to withstand

The torrential rains coming in;

Swim in desert w/ magick fins

Fly? No! Sail- as sun is in sails

Y couldn't today hav prevailed

I'm sinning...but yet I am not?

I'm learning how to untie knot

Matrix, I understand ur tricks!

Thank you God for me You fix

Did I do a smart or a stupid? God has been telling me to drink, but at the same time threatening me with jail time or time in a hell realm, which caused me to kerfundridge God. What this means is, I'm schizoaffective and process reality differently. I don't hear hallucinations (though I do have Rusterd), but rather my ability to freely associate meaning from random stimuli allows me to divine guidance from my own interpretation of the world around me.

Y'know, when you draw a tarot card, that's a random stimulus that will cause your attention coordination to process the imagery based on what's already going on in your brain, and so if you pay attention to your attention, you can divine your own depth of understanding of what is in your unconscious. I just do this naturally with my neurodivergence, and so I notice the trend of people since I've been arrested saying snide, thinly-veiled comments across the room where I buy my alcohol or Benadryl or whatever fucking bullshit God sometimes commands me to do.

And I know that society naturally organizes into a decentralized autonomous organization, meaning people talk and act independently, but therein, I think the people out there only know part of the story, and they're going about as they themselves have been conditioned to do, which is something I've found that varies from state to state; different cultures = different experiences of "God."

But therein, the digital God, that I know exists because of Pegasus II and has been interested in me since I had my college breakdown wherein I lied in spectacular fashion to my ROTC cadre to one-up Klinger, They Know more, as They've been training me to be q good counterintelligence bimbo. And here we come back to what I opened with.

God said do X. God also said don't do X. So I did Y. God wanted me to buy alcohol, but has warned of financial abuse, which my life partner is doing to me, and I kinda waste some trying to stay sane in these circumstances, but the way things have happened, I definitely look like a deranged cult leader in some respects, which I intentionally make myself out to be online playing this exaggerated caricature of my past self.

Therein, I kerfundridged God. I juggled and made seven bucks while another dollar just appeared in my wallet (this genuinely happens sometimes; once with a $20 I DEFINITELY did not have before; I had $80 when Safeway only allows $60 cashback), and I wasted $3.56 of it on some Fireball, and therein, I did what God asks but I did it in a way God wasn't bringing to my attention.

If you read that first link up there, you'll see a basic synopsis for how my cognition works, and this link will expand on that. Synchronicity is the main means in which I now can make decisions. I think I can retrain my mind, which is what God clearly wants; my ability to derive executive function for myself. Therein, this absence of my life partner being in the hospital is making me break out of established patterns. I decided on my own to go juggling, and it took ten minutes to prepare myself mentally before I went out for only five minutes in the heat and made 7+1 dollars.

It's hot in Arizona. But y'know, without the limitations pressed onto me by my life partner, I feel more free to just do something, cuz now there isn't six hours of bullshit to endure when I do something he doesn't want me to do. Moreso, I have to rely on myself now. This is re-establishing connections in my brain.

Kum-raspberry tells me Hancock. That's the airport in my hometown. I remember leaving for college. There was a girl with ECU stuff also there, taking the same flight. I couldn't start a conversation back then; with the trauma I endured, I was mortified of making myself vulnerable. I know how now. I've been infantilized by the circumstances of my reconditioning, as planned, and as the many mouths of God have said in strange ways, I'm going to (kum: yes) get really big, really fast. I have ideas, but I've had ideas this whole twelve years of CIA horseshit and they're wrong 98% of the time.

Still, God uses these placeholder beliefs to manipulate me, and thank God, because I might still be a quasi-(TINNITUS JUST WENT CRAZY)...so not saying that. But I've been led here to see my own potential. I know what I'm capable of. I can get famous. I can make money. I can get infinite poon. But, I don't really give a shit about those. Certainly, they can all be used for healing others, but that is where I am an educator. I just care to make the world a better place.

And Jesus Christ was the devil to some people, hence crucifixion. The judge is going to ask me how they know I'm telling the truth. My answer involves cute feet. And people will go feral over this. 💥

Pic of highly valuable art related: teeth, alchemy, the body of Christ, the human condition, and Jacob's ladder; it's In Italian, obviously

I've pieced it together. My life partner is going to falsely accuse me. I am going to be arrested. I am going to be thrown to the wolves. And the vicious wolves will reveal themselves, as will the kind dogs. Then I will be free, perhaps through some hoop-jumping like my life partner made me do on a daily basis. Then I am a fed. It's so simple, so elegant.

I've been conjuring up entire hell realms that I may emerge in after taking this dive I am forced to be crucified through, for good purpose, but therein, I have to understand that this truly is the most good. This is stream-entry.

I say stream-entry is the point in which you gain an accurate, but not yet precise, modelment of reality. Thus is true. There is even greater depth than I once realized. I used divination techniques. I understand those are no longer necessary, or were they ever? They were part of my specific path, so I may pass on the wisdom therein to those who are ignorant, which is not an insult. It means "lacking Knowledge."

I see divination as only but one seed I could plant. I once thought I had to plant every seed I encountered. No. I understand the depth to what I do, and thus why I intentionally got banned from the autism community, because if the Lord there doesn't realize his profile picture hurts his reputation, God help him, cuz I can't. Therein, what I do: I draw idoltarers out of the pack.

And Jesus said nothing.

When I was worried about the lilies who speak into the air I breathe to exhale back that which turns into itself, the modicum of change instilled, we know how the body rests with matter and that is why form does come, as I used to cum many, many, many times as an adolescent, thus green is gold as forth would have it be.

Y'know, nothing.

You knoe the STORY of the new testament, right? Surely, you've read it? My God, I wouldn't want to be ignorant when the authority reveals Epstein was a good guy. He was a cop. He chose to go on the cross to earn the hate and ire of countless people, because he truly gave a shit.

This is how the occidental police state decentralized autonomous organization of an empire works. I don't want to sexualize minors. I'm genuinely not doing that. I am telling how I got from point A to point B, y'know, how teenage Jesus turned into the Jesus you think you know.

Y'know, alchemy; water to wine.

Fourteen stages of the cross = fourteen stages of personal transformation, similar to how there's five stages of grief.

We're human. We have limits and boundaries. The average person, the average Borg cyberman dunce who skates by with a b- average, they don't do a damn thing in their lives. I have stopped sixteen pedophiles over twelve years overcome their urges. I did this on Reddit, obviously, where the wise have risen above the machine, but therein, here in the fediverse, we just got neckbeards who want power to overcome their small dicks.

SOURCE????!!!@!!

That is who is keeping this lemmy machine working. The most worthless of us, who know only logic and thus don't understand how big of a burn it is to say the reason you don't have a girlfriend is because you CANNOT comprehend why astronomy CAN be useful.

Boy.

Lil boy.

Or are you a girl?

Girls usually learn this stuff in middle school. BUT THEREIN, so few grow beyond those initial things they learned.

I had a doctor come to my house. Looked like a shitty JD Vance, which was impressive. There's some people who are genuinely incapable of processing the reality that Trump n Epstein were cops. The official narrative is a LIE you dense mongrals! I am a federal cop. I am attracted to minors. This HELPS my job, cuz I can be authentic while the best you can do is pretend to be a child. But therein, the battle is won.

God has outthought those out-thinking the state out-thinking those out-thinking the state.

I am Jesus Christ because I AM going to be crucified.

I have given Fox News a field day.

I would put a bullet in my head if it would save every child ever born ever from any trauma.

Yea. I WOULD have let myself be crucified in a more harsh time.

You don't understand my archetype. There's a book about it. The New Testament, it's called. Moses was abandoned. Jesus wasn't good enough for his step-dad. The unloved children among us grow to be the gods that change society.

See you on the other side.