Nulliza

Posted a while ago regarding possibilities of starting HRT with the gel I got my hands on. Decided to try it for 3-4 weeks to see how I'd feel or if I'd even feel anything at all. Im doing this via scrotum application since that seemed to have the highest chance of giving any effect during this time period.

I've been on it for a week now and have been trying to tell myself that how unreasonably good Ive felt this week is not necessarily due to HRT. However the last two days my nipples have been oddly sore. Not in the way Ive experienced before.

I understand nipple soreness is normal when breast growth occurs but it seems very early. Not that it is entirely unheard of as I understand. Has anyone here experienced this kind of soreness this early or am I just going crazy?

So ive been out as trans for about 3-4 months. Everything has been great so far in terms of coming out and trying out new things. Ive spent quite a bit to switch out my wardrobe and there will be more.

For some context. Ive been basically dissociating my whole life. Theres never really been a "me", ive just been following societal expectations and returned to the computer whenever my presence wasnt obligated or expected elsewhere. This has made it very hard to navigate life after coming out as trans. What do I even have to compare to? Do i feel better now than before? I know ive always been intrigued by feminine clothing and makeup and never felt "at home" /"at ease" with boys being boyish. I usually ended up in "the weird kids corner" and initially had no thoughts about being trans for many years. At first I thought I just had autism, and i still do, for several reasons. But when i realized thats probably not the entire puzzle things started to make more sense.

Anyways. I just went on vacation with some friends and we roadtripped down to another friend in Germany. While there her girlfriend kindly gifted me 2 3-packs of Gynokadin, 0.6mg/g estradiol gel. Now I just keep staring at them unsure of what to do. Ive been considering for the last 2 months whether it is time to get on to HRT but something in my brain is very afraid.

The one who gave them to me is now doing DIY injections and just didnt have any use for them. She basically told me "you can just try it". And I dont know, im afraid i'll feel nothing at all or even worse, bad, on it, and im just afraid everything will come shambling down? The dream is ofcourse to have my mental state improve and actually become a person but I have no idea where to go right now.

My original plan was to maybe start HRT via a private clinic (public healthcare has about 3,5-4 years wait time here) and just pray that improvements to mental health could prove my point but that feels like an extremely unwise diagnosis-by-medication strategy my brain tells me is stupid.

What would you do? Tips? Struggles? Experiences? Anything is welcome ❤️

Hi all,

Im looking for some input/advice/help. I came out as trans some month ago. Its been on my mind for 15+ years and it feels great to finally have come out.

But I always have an extremely hard time internalizing stuff, and very much so in this case. This worry that "i might not be" keeps eating away at my brain and I dont know where to turn to ask for advice.

Ive tried to get more in touch with my feminine side and I absolutely love it. The initial gender euphoria was crazy. Ordering new clothes and ripping off the old mask of trying to meet the masculine ideals that was expected of me has been so freeing.

However, i havent come out at work or to my family yet. So i do have to put that mask back on almost daily. Some days really suck. Seeing myself in the mirror ranges for masc stubble nightmare to still seeing a version of me that I like (which I have never done before).

But something in my head keeps bugging me. A little goblin inside telling me "what if youre wrong?", "what if youre actually not trans", "you dont feel that bad when youre still looking masc", "youre not that dysphoric".

The gremlin has always been there in other scenarios but this time is giving me so much issues with my headspace just due to how important this whole journey is to me.

Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal? Is it common for people to deal with fantasy creatures in their head? Should I rethink my life choices?

I have no idea where to turn with this one but atleast tried to book a time with the only therapist/doctor ive met whos been able to properly talk about gender dysphoria. Although im afraid of how much I can/should say because trans care sucks here and I really dont want to be left out of the opportunity of actually getting help.

I didnt know who to share this with so Im posting here because my hapiness is going through the roof!

I fell into a burn out/exhaustion/depression spiral last year. About 2 months ago I felt decently back on track after alot of help from a therapist. During this time Ive met some online friends who has had an enormous impact on my life and I love them so much for it.

After talking with them and my therapist I finally decided to come out as trans to my partner. They took the best way I couldve imagined and are super supportive and helpful, and so are all of my friends.

The day after coming out i decided to shave off my beard of 10 years. Unsure what was hiding beneath I prepared for the worst as Ive never liked my face or body (repressed dysphoria maybe, who knows). After I shaved and I let out my hair again (long, lucky, juicy hair haver) I for the first time saw that my face was never meant to masc, but holy fuck it was meant to be fem. All of my friends where so nice and I was just in shock at how everyone indivdually agreed that alone would count as passing ❤️😭

Fast-forward to today, my partner helped me pick out and order more feminine clothes some days ago and they got delayed. I was pretty bummed out because a weekend home alone is a rarity for me and would be a perfect opportunity for me to try things in my own pace. As a cope I stole one of my partners sweaters, nice and cozy, dark blue with puffier arms and a high cut neck.

I decided to shower and shave again (i pray for all my girlies bc i was in for a shock with how fast it grows) but only managed to shower before I had to head out and get food. Once I eventually got to shaving my hair was still damp. So I go about shaving and let down my hair. The absolute curls along with everything else just looked so good. For the first time in my life I could tell myself that I looked so goddamn pretty. I immediately had to hook up my webcam and join in the vc again. BECAUSE I FELT PRETTY! I CANT GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD! I got so showered in compliments I didnt know what to do. Fuck I love my friends so much ❤️

This really cemented every doubt in my head. So much of my worry about whether I really am trans or not just gone. I had a face-to-face with myself in the mirror just telling whoever that woman was how beautiful she is, until I eventually realized THATS ME and started actually calling myself beautiful instead.

TL;DR:

My cat must be thinking im going crazy.

Hello everyone!

I just recently came out to my partner as possibly (probably) trans. Everything has gone well and they and our closest friends are very supporting and caring. I couldnt really have had a better opening up I feel like.

Now, I feel like this has been a long time coming. I have never really felt comfortable with who I was ever since I was 12-13, I am 26 now. I have never had the space, surroundings or environment to explore or talk about this until now so I've had a lot of time to think and feel.

I am pretty sure I am trans but Im still not a hundred percent. I know she/her pronouns resonate well with me and I feel very good when wearing feminine clothes and showing a more feminine side that otherwise has been repressed. My partner helped me order some clothes the other day and I am very hyped to try those out.

Theres alot to think about and things I want to try and do, but I wanted to ask you all. What are your experiences, lessons or tips from your journeys? Is there anything I or maybe others in my situation could learn from?

Happy to hear anything and everything you want to share ❤️

I have recently started talking to a therapist after getting extremely exhausted last year. It got to the point were my brain just didnt function and just thinking and keeping track of thoughts was extremely difficult for the first 4-8 hours of the day.

After alot of back and forth we've come to the conclusion that i do have some sort of trauma and alot internalized expectations that is making my daily life a struggle. I have grown alot as a person during the last 5-10 years, so its not very weird that these discrepencies between what i accept of others vs what i expect of myself now catch up and clash.

For example. I have made my own opinions on many topics that was not very accepted when i grew up. I have never wanted to fault anyone or make anyone feel bad but the "norm" of where i grew up still included alot of hostility and fear of anything alternative. Nowadays i am completely accepting and respecting of everyone and anyone, whatever sexuality, gender identity, ethnicity or disabilities that may include. But i cant accept that for myself for some reason.

I talked to a friend the other day and they told me something interesting. They said that these internalized fears or messages are just a defense the brain has learnt to automatically use to keep us safe. That made alot of sense to me, atleast in my situation.

But then my question is, how do you even start breaking that down? I feel like Ive been wanting to explore many of these topics for so long but my brain is just finding any and all reason to be afraid.

I have never really had anyone to talk to this about. Not necessarily because I think they would judge me but mostly because my brain is constantly trying to stop me. Ive just recently found some people that I am, for the first time, atleast somewhat comfortable to share some of this with, and just that took a lot to actually get the words out of my head.

Any tips and pointers are appreciated.