chosensilence

my top ten is attached. lot of great metal this year tbh.

one of my favorite albums at the moment. great song off of it.

idk where else to post this. my state denied me coverage for healthcare and food share for “making too much,” and now since i can’t acquire insurance elsewhere since i simply can’t afford it, i’m going to lose medication that is currently treating a chronic, life shortening illness. i do not have $509 a month to spend on this drug. and since nobody in my state gives a shit about me i am simply going to go without and suffer the consequences of being unmedicated with my disease.

great.

means testing is immoral and fuck everyone who supports it. you are why i won’t be medicated anymore.

we are all susceptible to manipulation tactics, lies, and propaganda. some of us may be more resilient than others, some may have quite the skill at resisting, but if you are an emotionally responsive person than you are not off the hook.

in 2025, i'm sure most Americans consider themselves immune to dangerous and bigoted messaging. "i'd never support Hitler if i lived back then," they claim. but many of them absolutely would have and they cannot see it. they are incapable of making the connection.

take what we are seeing now with how the average American is responding to the rise of modern American fascism and you can easily apply it to pre-nazi Germany. the banality of evil encompasses all walks of life.

i think to myself who would be a nazi if the Holocaust were to happen in America today?

• Joe Rogan
• Mark Zuckerberg
• Jeff Bezos
• Tim Cook
• Buzz Aldrin
• Paula Deen
• Kelsey Grammer
• Zachary Levi
• Taryn Manning
• Kanye West
• Amber Rose
• Kodak Black
• Kid Rock
• Lil Pump
• Sexyy Red

the potential for this list to all be nazis is unfathomably high. All of these people have supported Trump either vocally or by showing up to rallies or helping by visibly associating with the Trump campaign.

the amount of celebrity nazis we would have to deal with would become overwhelming and tiring. idk, it hit me that Hollywood would be filled with open fascists if it were acceptable.

I am very confused. RIP to Jesus and what an awful disease AIDS is, but.. huh???? Everything I read about this death tells me it was sudden and unexpected. Jesus definitely did not look like he was dying of anything pertaining to AIDS. Also, how does somebody even progress to AIDS in the US in 2025? Especially a rich famous hairstylist? It would be more understandable if he were underprivileged or had difficulty finding healthcare and treatment, but there's literally no way that was the case for him lol.

You're telling me Jesus had HIV for however long, didn't know about it, and then it became AIDS and weakened his immune system to the point where he died of a fungal infection? I find that incredibly hard to believe. Either he kept this hidden from literally everyone and ignored his HIV and kept all his physical symptoms a secret or this isn't an AIDS related death and the suggestion that it must've been an AIDS complication comes off as a homophobic implication.

Can anyone give me some insight? Maybe I'm missing something? I am gay and know a bit more about HIV/AIDS than the average person but what is going on here? Can AIDS develop silently and without symptoms? I hope not because that is horrifying and doesn't seem to make sense given what HIV does to the immune system. You can't hide severe illness much.

i have had ADHD ever since i was a child. i grew into a very depressed and anxious teenager and my mental health worsened over time as a young adult. fast forward to November 2024 when i start picking at the wounds healing on my skin. i've done this before. a lot of us have. however, this time i couldn't stop. i would pick until it bled, let it heal, and pick it all over again. then i'd move on to another spot and repeat the process. weeks turned into months and i was still picking at my skin. the areas impacted were spreading. i knew about dermatillomania and assumed i was having an episode for some reason i wasn't yet consciously aware of, but being the curious person i am i did some internet digging and learned way more than i thought i would.

it turns out that skin picking, or excoriation disorder and no longer referred to as dermatillomania, belongs to a newly described category of psychiatric conditions called "Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders." much like how there are several disorders pertaining to anxiety and depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder is a spectrum not limited to classically presenting OCD.

huh.. interesting. wait. this is a form of OCD? i thought to myself.

i continued to read more about OCD related disorders (OCRD) when i made a personally intense discovery. while there are many conditions thought to pertain to the wider spectrum of OCRD there are generally considered to be four primary disorders that are unquestionably obsessive-compulsive: body dysmorphic disorder, hypochondriasis, tic disorders, and body focused repetitive behaviors. when considering the list of wider OCRD disorders, i suffer from seven of 17 common conditions. however, narrowing it down to these few four actually makes things worse for me, because i live with three out the four disorders.

it seems i have been going about the world with untreated OCD my entire life. i couldn't help but immediately reflect over past scenario after past scenario. i spent the next several hours consuming as much information as i could about obsessive-compulsive related disorders and uncovering why i was avoidant and pathologically shy and reserved around others. i was finally finding answers that i had spent 35 years working towards. i was closing in on why i was the way i am.

when i thought i couldn't possibly learn anything more significant about myself i read that people with both ADHD and OCD have higher rates of autism than the average population. in fact, it's a good indication you have autism if you have both disorders.

oh. hm. uhhhhhhhh. fuck. i have wondered over the years if i was on the autism spectrum but never really gave it much thought. things were clicking even deeper. like with OCD i looked into autism and it was like reading a summary of my lived experiences. everything felt right. everything made sense. this is what's going on with me. it's this right here.

i was floored. the very next day i made appointments with professionals who met with me and agreed that i was likely correct and set me up with a psychiatric assessment for June. i will soon be given confirmation of what i know likely to be true: i have ADHD, OCD, and autism. and it took until my mid 30s to put it all together.

if you are struggling and still can't make sense of yourself, it isn't for nothing. this could happen to you too. keep pushing forward because the alternative is to give up. the alternative is you lose.