saltnotsugar

(Cicada bro screeching)
Group of hot ladies: Oh wow. Is he single?

It’s like saying “hit me!” on a 20. You’re gonna lose, but it’s kinda fun.

I mean…if someone set up some kind of website like billionaireKOKshow.gov where people get paid vast amounts of billionaire dick money…it would be weird.

There is a land, known as (ethereal Dune soundtrack plays) the Midwest. A land where these breadsticks are gourmet.

The love making scene in Team America, but it’s just a bunch of breadsticks from Olive Garden.

“I don’t have a sea slug in this drive by.” Conjures images of underwater sea violence and muddies your message.

(Hitler giggling to himself) Big big Chungus, big Chungus, big Chungus!

I know it’s likely pesticides, but have we officially ruled out bee assassins?

So like, we’ll like, put a bomb in like this shell, and like Fidel will see it and like, dive for it….and explode. -CIA Meeting minutes

Be a MAN. Hold onto a DUCK. Fly to DENVER.

Alas thy plan has failed, for my lips are as moist as a frog going down a waterslide in the rainforest.

Please please please let there be a long bacon store.