whyrat

joined 2 years ago
[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 15 points 19 hours ago

A similar question was asked about 2 weeks ago; I was going to link to that but it was since deleted; so here's a copy & paste of my reply instead. Note payment wasn't raised in that discussion; my response to that would be: is potentially meeting people interested in dating you worth the fee (to me that answer was yes)? If a service provides value to me I'm happy to pay a reasonable amount.


A lot of negative comments. I went through a divorce last year (male, mid 40s), and used dating apps when I was ready to start meeting people. I was apprehensive going in but ended up shocked by how positive the results were. After a week or two I would have several matches and pause searching while I talked with those and planned in-person meetings. Most profiles you’ll never get a reply. Of those you match again, half likely never respond to initial introductions / questions. But, if you live in a major metro area there’s still plenty of people looking for relationships if you’re willing to filter through that. I’m now happily in a relationship for the past few months so I’ve stopped using these apps.

I tried 3: eHarmony, hinge, and bumble. Here’s my feedback from best to worse.

Hinge: encourages discussion as an initial match prompt. I met the most people on this app and many matches led to in person dates. Met the person I’m currently dating seriously on here.

Bumble: costs money to send a comment / question, free to “just swipe”. Kept showing me profiles for people currently within my search distance, but who have listed another major city as their home (I guess they’re connecting through the airport and on the app?). Went on multiple dates with matches, fewer than hinge.

eHarmony: where I originally met my previous wife ~20 years ago. Now had the fewest matches and worst experience (and highest cost). I stopped checking this one after about a month. Went on only 1 date.

Feedback from my matches about the app: many men are using it to find people to cheat with / aren’t serious about a relationship. All of them told me actually holding a conversation on the app put me in the “top tier” of their matches. Many shared that matches just gave super short answers then asked for a phone number. Several noted that half the time they shared a number they almost immediately received dick pics. Multiple said matches tried to get them into crypto (?!?!).

For me (busy work schedule, and still spend half my time with kids) the experience was far better than any dates friends or co workers suggested. The profiles are not super deep… Yes everyone loves live music, travel, and The Office. I wanted to connect over something more specific than that. At least the people you match with are also looking for a relationship. Meeting people through my hobbies at 40+ most are in long term relationships or not interested in starting one. The apps are largely superficial… Half the first dates I went on one or both of us decided not to have a second date. Which is honestly expected… Even after filtering through the profiles and messaging in app you still only know the basics for most people.

For you specifically: many matches took issue with the recent timing of my divorce. If you’re separated (not divorced) expect that to be a deal breaker for many.

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

The odds of your iPhone pics standing out are slim unless you’re rocking a speedo packing a hog, ridiculously muscular, or apparently holding a fish?

From my experience; that's not what women are looking for. At least, not the ones I ended up matching & later talking about the dating app experience; but then I matched without any of those types of photos... so there's selection bias in my sample. I did encounter a number of women mentioning the ubiquitous "fish pic" and though it was strange. I guess if you like fishing as a hobby that's fine; but I don't notice that many single men when I'm fishing. As a response I would send them a selfie holding up my kids' "fish" bath toys and that always got a laugh :)

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

A lot of negative comments. I went through a divorce last year (male, mid 40s), and used dating apps when I was ready to start meeting people. I was apprehensive going in but ended up shocked by how positive the results were. After a week or two I would have several matches and pause searching while I talked with those and planned in-person meetings. Most profiles you'll never get a reply. Of those you match again, half likely never respond to initial introductions / questions. But, if you live in a major metro area there's still plenty of people looking for relationships if you're willing to filter through that. I'm now happily in a relationship for the past few months so I've stopped using these apps.

I tried 3: eHarmony, hinge, and bumble. Here's my feedback from best to worse.

Hinge: encourages discussion as an initial match prompt. I met the most people on this app and many matches led to in person dates. Met the person I'm currently dating seriously on here.

Bumble: costs money to send a comment / question, free to "just swipe". Kept showing me profiles for people currently within my search distance, but who have listed another major city as their home (I guess they're connecting through the airport and on the app?). Went on multiple dates with matches, fewer than hinge.

eHarmony: where I originally met my previous wife ~20 years ago. Now had the fewest matches and worst experience (and highest cost). I stopped checking this one after about a month. Went on only 1 date.

Feedback from my matches about the app: many men are using it to find people to cheat with / aren't serious about a relationship. All of them told me actually holding a conversation on the app put me in the "top tier" of their matches. Many shared that matches just gave super short answers then asked for a phone number. Several noted that half the time they shared a number they almost immediately received dick pics. Multiple said matches tried to get them into crypto (?!?!).

For me (busy work schedule, and still spend half my time with kids) the experience was far better than any dates friends or co workers suggested. The profiles are not super deep... Yes everyone loves live music, travel, and The Office. I wanted to connect over something more specific than that. At least the people you match with are also looking for a relationship. Meeting people through my hobbies at 40+ most are in long term relationships or not interested in starting one. The apps are largely superficial... Half the first dates I went on one or both of us decided not to have a second date. Which is honestly expected... Even after filtering through the profiles and messaging in app you still only know the basics for most people.

For you specifically: many matches took issue with the recent timing of my divorce. If you're separated (not divorced) expect that to be a deal breaker for many.

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Is there any domestically produced competition in Canada? The only one a search returns is still a concept (not yet commercially available). Everything else looks to be imported from elsewhere?

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

Plano's Legacy West

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

Exactly what I thought when I first mis-read it as "gene-editing" instead of "gene-edited" and thought Spiderman!

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

No one remembers the lessons learned from prohibition?

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

Also just ... Unemployment is still near historic lows. Where do they expect all these workers to come from? (While also deporting other employed individuals)

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Even if they do; if your employer "provides" the insurance they'll take a cut of any cost savings :(

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

No need for a meme. Just say happy mother's day. A personal anecdote will mean more... Give one example of why you think they're a great mother.

I have a few close friends who are mothers I sent a note today. If you're close enough you'd wish them a happy birthday it'd be kind to do the same on any other holiday that applies. And ultimately this is all about being nice to people you care about. If it would make their day a little bit better: do it!

The same applies for days that aren't holidays too ... This is part of how you make and maintain friendships. Send a nice message every once in a while just to let them know they matter to you and you think highly about them. People love to hear others appreciate them. They're more likely to do the same back if you do, and I always find it uplifting to get a random compliment from a friend.

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

was on the verge of paying off the debt

That's inaccurate; the annual budget deficit became a surplus. But it was never near the scale to make much of a dent in the total debt. I think you used the wrong term? Your sentiment is correct if so.

[–] whyrat@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

There's already an annual child tax credit: https://taxpolicycenter.org/briefing-book/what-child-tax-credit

I'm sure they didn't even check if birth rates are influenced by this...

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