Not going to offer many details on the where or how, as I don't intend to dox myself, but suffice it to say that I will continue touching butts for an extended period. I don't like feeling aroused by the act. These people placed trust in me. Trust that I mean them no harm and that I am safe to be around. I can certainly be both while aroused, but I'd rather not have to deal with this.

I'd prefer not to dissociate through work, but I can't find another way to contextualize my experiences in a way that doesn't leave me frustrated until I get home.

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[–] 19 points 2 days ago

I haven't seen it mentioned, so what I consider an important perspective: it's a perfectly normal and biologically expected reaction. Having thoughts and feelings is never incorrect, shameful, or immoral. It's our behavior which has consequence.

Remember that in the opposite role, as a patient, it might feel embarrassing or inappropriate to become visibly aroused when a doctor or nurse is manipulating (or even just looking at) parts of your body, but the professional is trained to recognize this as an autonomous physiological response to stimuli, and disregard. There's no place or reason in this context for judgement.

I would encourage you to, and honestly, as the professional in your circumstance, expect you to, foster this same clinical disregard for your own arousal. It's perfectly fine and expected to be aroused when touching or being touched by another human; that's not behavior and must not be judged.

But developing what could be understood as a "kink" by perseverating on your "naughty" feelings toward people in your care, finding it titillating how embarrassed or unprofessional your reactions are, isn't uncommon. It's exciting because it's transgressive. If you can't operate professionally by treating your normal feelings as normal, you do owe it to the people who've placed their trust in you to step away.

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