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[–] 74 points 3 days ago (10 children)

My favorite apple update so far is the Honeycrisp, deliciously sweet and doesn't turn brown within 2 minutes. Perfect for turning into a pipe and smoking meth out of and then turning into a candy apple once done. I like to keep all the candy apples and give them out to the elves on Christmas Eve as a thank you for helping Santa fulfill the Christian prophecy of toy socialism for children.

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  • [–] 8 points 3 days ago (4 children)

    It's not socialism since "naughty" kids don't get toys, it's a meritocracy.

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  • [–] 9 points 3 days ago (3 children)
  • [–] 6 points 3 days ago (2 children)

    Hold the fucking orchard.

    There's variability to doing drugs off different apple varieties? Damn, it should have been glaringly obvious, in retrospect. I'm gonna be asking a whole new set of questions at the next farmer's market.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 days ago (1 child)

    You never smoked the devil’s lettuce out of cored apple?

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  • [–] 5 points 3 days ago

    I've only smoked it out of one kind of apple, red delicious. But now... Honey Crisp carved artisan piece, paired with the finest pine apple express, and a glass of fresh pressed and infused cider? Could even mix and match the strains and varieties on the cider. And the desserts!

    Everything needed, sold just a couple of stands down, in a legal state. I am going to change this farmer's market forever.

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