His first move would be to throw a hissy fit, collapse as soon as you touched him, feign a heart attack and threaten to sue you .... all while shouting that you're going to be deported

[–] RattlerSix@lemmy.world 32 points 3 days ago (1 children)

If he got in your face and you had your hand up and it just barely touched his chest he'd be yelling "CALL 911!! THATS ASSAULT!!!"

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 29 points 3 days ago

Which is why as a person of colour (I'm a big brown Indigenous Canadian) I will never engage with people like this .... because I know that if this happened, there is a high likelihood that the police and courts would take his version seriously.

[–] TheRealShadeSlimmy@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago (2 children)

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little removed? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.”

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 8 points 3 days ago (1 children)

When training extensively in unarmed combat, does one employ prosthetics?

[–] IndiBrony@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago (1 children)

No, you remove them. That's why it's unarmed.

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 7 points 3 days ago

Okay good. That makes sense.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

That's beautiful ... I haven't been threatened by an online US Marine in years ... I feel honoured ... thanks :)

[–] goldfndr@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It's the Navy Seal copypasta.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Damn it, that's right ... how did I forget that ... but it's been years since I saw this copypasta in the wild .. first time I encountered it here on Lemmy

My personal favourite was being threatened in a comment thread years ago by Black Beard himself ....

What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Fun Blackbeard fact: he actually spent some time in Philadelphia. It's not known whether he preferred Pat's or Geno's steaks.

[–] kautau@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago

Either that or since concealed carry is legal in a ton of states just start firing blindly in every direction and then basically everything you said