So my girlfriend apologises compulsively. I find it easy to talk to her about the reasons why she may do that; however, she posed to me a question today which I found a little more tricky to answer:
How do I feel when I tell her to stop apologising, and why do I feel the need to tell her to stop apologising?
It's honestly something I never gave thought to before. It is a very, very minor annoyance - to the point where I feel calling it an 'annoyance' is too harsh - but I don't actually know why I feel the need to tell her stop doing it all the time.
I'm hoping someone can help me put it into words. So I ask you, Lemmy: how does it feel when someone apologises too much, and why do you feel the need to tell them to stop apologising?
We've both been working on ourselves emotionally for a long time, so we spend a lot of time and energy trying to explore why we feel certain ways about different things, and then working together to try and help each other get to where we want to be.
I obviously have behaviours which I don't like about myself which I'm working on, and she also has behaviours which she's trying to work on. This is one of those areas where we're trying to figure out together "how much apologising is too much?" as a general curiosity, rather than it being an actual problem.
Neither of us feel like we apologise enough, but I don't get called out on how much I apologise, but she does. A lot of our friends and family often tell her she doesn't need to apologise, or that she apologises too much! ๐
I understand why I don't want her to do it, and it's for many of the reasons you stated: perfectionism, people-pleasing, high social standards, fear of disappointment, etc. all of which can lead to her feeling sad, anxious, and over thinking every tiny detail which obviously isn't good for mental health.
But to try and figure out how I physically and emotionally feel when I hear her say "sorry" is tricky. Do I get frustrated? Do I feel pity? Am I annoyed? Am I annoyed at her? (Obviously I'm not, but she often assumes I am)
I guess we're just finding it interesting to work through that childish curiosity of answering the question "...but why?" from a perspective which isn't as often looked through.
And thank you for the response! โค๏ธ