this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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Why do men keep on having dates with me and then eventually leave? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 3 days ago by choihanna@lemmy.zip to c/askmen@lemmy.world
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So before anything I'm a trans woman (20), I do not claim to be a real woman or try to put women down or mock them. So please I'd like to ask you to abstein from comments about it because I already know what I am.

I've been trying dating apps because they feel safer than just dating people from your daily life when I was a teen (friends and classmates).

I do have a note on my profile that notifies these men about what I am before they can chat with me, some unmatch, others will say bad stuff before leaving, but another big amount stay. Everything goes fine we chat for a long time, we have a few dates, but in the end they all seem to lose interest at some point.

It just makes me so tired of meeting a lot of different men every month. I don't understand what they want.

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[–] midribbon_action@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I know it can be hard to see because it is positive attention, and can give you a sense of gender euphoria, but they absolutely are fetishizing you, and it's not healthy to engage with it.

[–] choihanna@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

No honestly I don't like compliments, I just have a hard time telling the difference between a fetishistic one and a normal one

[–] forrgott@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

I am a cis man so my perspective may be a bit, uh, lacking, but I think somebody who is honestly interested will likely move right past the entire issue. In other words, they ought to be interested in you as a person, what you like, your goals or dreams for the future, that sort of thing.

Unfortunately, a very disturbing majority of other men I have met have very deep misogyny that warps the way they think about women. A former friend once asked, without irony, if I would be offended if my girlfriend put on a noticeable amount of weight. As if the only possible explanation would be that she was intentionally gaining weight to slight me. I immediately chewed his ass out, and that was also the beginning of the end of that friendship. 🤮

That said, I wish you the best of luck. My father shared a saying with me once: people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, but we rarely know in advance which one. Kinda sounds dumb, I know, but I still think there's some wisdom in there somewhere.

Edit: And I want you to know those man-children didn't deserve a woman of your caliber anyways! ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Second edit: from one of your other comments -

I think it's because they have dates with me as a second optio

Oof! That's gotta hit you in the feels, but sounds like you're right. :(