this post was submitted on 26 Nov 2025
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I think I have pity for him being racist and not wanting to be, but I am confused. He can’t help the thoughts that go through his head, if that’s what he means, but I don’t know if he is also acting on those thoughts. If he is, then yeah, just stop, lol.
Except it's not so simple. Research consistently shows that even people who believe themselves not to be prejudiced act differently based on prejudice. Having a "black" name, BIPOC, a woman, disabled, or any other "minority" affects active and attitudes subliminally.
Who do you ask a question to (the person pushing the wheelchair, or the person in the wheelchair?), sit next to on public transit (the black guy or the white woman?), friend's teenager you ask to babysit/house-sit (the white girl or the black guy?), hire to do your gardening (the Hispanic man or the black woman?), question do you take first after your work presentation (white man or Indigenous woman?), smile at politely as you pass on the street (the unhoused?), etc.
For someone who acknowledges they are racist, these biases run even deep, and I imagine it must be mentally taxing to constantly run a filter on your actions you notice, let alone all your unconscious/automatic reactions.
As someone who's a "woke" anti-racist, I find it challenging to even notice my biases, let alone change my actions. (When's the last time you made eye contact and smiled at an unhoused person automatically, without noticing you're doing it? I do so, but it's a conscious action for me, not automatic.)
Who do you ask a question to (the person pushing the wheelchair, or the person in the wheelchair?),
-> depends on why they sit in a wheelchair and what I want to ask.
sit next to on public transit (the black guy or the white woman?)
-> I mostly stand but again, if I had to sit, it depends on the vibe I am getting from both, with - vibe considered equal - a tendency to sit near a guy to not make a woman feel uncomfortable.
, friend's teenager you ask to babysit/house-sit (the white girl or the black guy?),
-> if color of skin or gender enter my considerations, I would let neither anywhere near a child, as I obviously do not know them nearly well enough.
hire to do your gardening (the Hispanic man or the black woman?)
-> I will not pay someone to do chores for me, doing everyday chores is what keeps people grounded. I don't want to risk becoming something like a boomer.
, question do you take first after your work presentation (white man or Indigenous woman?),
-> whoever signaled a question first
smile at politely as you pass on the street (the unhoused?)
-> everyone that makes eye contact
-> holy shit you made that list of examples sound like it's in any way difficult to know exactly how to behave.