tendency to let things stack up until I just orbital nuke my relationships with people

This is a common autism trait. Years of masking and coping with with our sensitivities makes us have a high external annoyance threshold but when we reach that threshold we snap. Often we don't talk about what bothers us because we are bothered by a lot of things. We have been trained to just put up with annoyances because other people don't feel them so acutely.

So when someone does something annoying we don't say anything we just try to find ways of dealing with it because we have been taught that everything that bugs us is our fault. Eventually our inability to cope with annoyances without speaking about them causes us to bring up all the problems at once and often we give up on the relationship all together.