"I lost my virginity to an all metal toilet in Guam. It was Robert Downey Sr's 43rd birthday party, I was bill cosby's +1 and we were celebrating at the corporate training restaurant for Cici's pizza. The toilet penetrated me with the confidence of an Olympic fencing champion and I saw the face of god. They served corn dogs, but reverse what you're picturing."

-RFK Jr., 12 years old, mumblng to himself and convulsing before passing out in a ditch after snorting the entire contents of a full size fire extinguisher