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Most straight women don’t want to date bi guys, but most straight men are open to bi women (www.lgbtqnation.com)
submitted 5 days ago by to c/lgbtq_plus@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Two-thirds of straight women and one-third of straight men are unwilling to date a bisexual person of the opposite sex, according to a YouGov poll published today, during Bisexuality Visibility Week. The poll illustrates how lingering stereotypes negatively affect people’s impressions of bisexual individuals.

The poll — which surveyed 5,983 Britons during late March, including 2,031 straight women and 1,517 straight men — found that 48% of all respondents had positive views of bisexual people and only 8% had negative views. The remaining percentage had neither a positive nor a negative view of bisexuals.

...

When the survey asked straight women and men why they were unwilling to date a bisexual person of the opposite sex, most (16% and 19%, respectively) said they “just don’t” or claimed, “It’s just a preference.”

A nearly similar portion, 17% of straight women and 16% of straight men, said they felt like bi people are more inclined to cheat, or that they themselves would feel insecure that they’d be unable to provide a bi partner whatever they get from a same-sex partner.

Interestingly, 9% of straight women said they feel disgust or discomfort towards men with same-sex experiences, 8% worried about possible sexual health risks, and 10% of straight men said they considered bisexuality to be either religiously or morally “wrong.” Approximately 12-13% of all straight respondents said they just wanted their dating partner to be heterosexual.

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[–] [S] 69 points 5 days ago* (25 children)

I’ve observed this in some women’s groups over time - this aversion to bisexual men - and it’s always so disappointing to see it come up. There are women I’ve had to pull away from because of these views that bisexual men are somehow tainted or too feminine or whatever flavor of homophobic reasons they use to reject people based on an immutable trait.

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  • [–] 60 points 5 days ago (2 children)

    There is so much internalized biphobia in our society. A lot of men sexualize bi women and think dating one means they will get threesomes. On the other side, a lot of women are convinced that bi men are twice as likely to cheat, or that they will eventually leave you for a man. And this kind of biphobia is present as well within the LGBTQ+ community, this is not inherent to straight people.

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  • [–] [S] 46 points 5 days ago

    You’re right, biphobia is not found in straight people alone. I’ve been rejected within my own community because I’m bisexual and not a “gold star” lesbian. It stings even more that way to be honest.

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  • [–] 15 points 5 days ago (3 children)

    And what sucks is I've seen multiple times, men are generally more guilty of their homophobic views than women. Women will show a surface level support(most men don't do that) but they are almost as homophobic, and blatantly so when given a chance to open up.

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  • [–] [S] 8 points 5 days ago (2 children)

    I'm not sure men feel more guilty about their homophobic views, they're just more upfront about them lol

    Yes, it is distressing to join up with other women thinking they are a safe space and come to find out they hold beliefs that are inherently biphobic. Even if they feel like their views only extend to bisexual men, it does extend to all bisexuals.

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  • [–] 9 points 5 days ago*

    It's that men generally exaggerate their homophobia to fit in groups, whereas women hide theirs better till they're in places where they feel their views would go unchallenged. Also yeah, comparing men's homophobia and women's is comparing apples to oranges.

    It's like, they are more guilty, but they better be for the kind of shit they've said.

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  • [–] -3 points 5 days ago (5 children)

    i'd say that people are allowed to decide who they're sexually attracted to. you can't ask a person B to be attracted to person A, e.g. if person A is bi.

    protection against discrimination applies at different levels, especially to be treated right by the law (state) and employer (especially if it's a big enough company). but people can still choose who they spend time with in their free time.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 days ago

    It's just too general and unrelated to actual relationship dynamics to make sense. If they don't tell you they're bi, you might never find out. If the reason for not wanting to date someone whos bi is that you're not comfortable with your partner finding the same people attractive that you do, then weird but I think that'd be something sorta valid.

    The reasons given are all on a scale of biphobia to just misunderstanding it (e.g. the insecurity). The more general answers might be personal hangups, but those too are likely rooted in a culture that sees bi people negatively.

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  • [–] [S] 13 points 5 days ago (2 children)

    Yes, people have every right to choose who they spend time with, but if they are choosing to reject all people of a specific group because of their sexual orientation, it is still a preference rooted in homophobia. Whether they're conscious of it or not.

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  • [–] 2 points 5 days ago

    All people have a right to be treated with honesty, dignity, and respect, and not disclosing how you identify before I decide to have sex with you or not is a part of that.

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  • [+] -9 points 5 days ago (11 children)

    I've dated bi guys, and my main objection is they didn't inform me prior (except for one, and he really was promiscuous, and didn't inform me about that), then wondered why I had a problem when I learned of their boyfriends, after months or years of unprotected sex.

    These things stayed with me and put me off BI guys, altogether. It's not fair, but it's unfair to me to put myself through it again, after all that, so im simply not. There's too much baggage after too many years.

    That said, I have been volcel almost four years because straight men are the same, and I'm sick of dealing with doting mothers who encourage bad behaviour, and mothers whose children can't do anything right and are dammed if you do, dammed if you don't, either... Including mine.

    In a world where intense couples counseling and willing partners were to be found (rather than those few who appear willing for appeasement, wasting time, effort, money), I may, or not. But I can navigate friendships easier because of no emotional investment in romance, so it's just better that way. Plus I prefer monogamy.

    Iow, it's complicated.

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  • [–] [S] 34 points 5 days ago (10 children)

    I’ve dated bi guys, and my main objection is they didn’t inform me prior (except for one, and he really was promiscuous, and didn’t inform me about that), then wondered why I had a problem when I learned of their boyfriends, after months or years of unprotected sex.

    I'm honestly asking - do you require straight men to be forthright about how many women they slept with previously? Why not ask for a recent STI panel instead of their sexual history?

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  • [–] -4 points 5 days ago (9 children)

    I said nothing about "previously."

    I said they didn't inform me they were bi, didn't inform me they're promiscuous (promiscuity being in common with straights).

    And I have asked for mutual testing, which didn't stop the ones who agreed from cheating and being caught.

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  • [–] [S] 22 points 5 days ago (8 children)

    they didn’t inform me prior

    Apologies, this is what I read as "previously". That they didn't inform you before you started sleeping with them, not that they were cheating on you or not disclosing they were continuing to sleep with others.

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  • [+] -6 points 5 days ago (7 children)

    I have a right to know if a potential partner is bi, just as they have the right to know I'm cis. This is how honest conversations about expectations for any relationship that may develop begin. And I get that it's probably not appropriate at the first or fourth date, and why people may not want to disclose that. Just like I get relationships are built on trust, but that leap of faith has to happen sometime, or just disclose that it doesn't seem a compatible match. 🤷‍♀️

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  • [–] [S] 24 points 5 days ago* (4 children)

    I think the only problem I have with any of this is assuming all bisexual men will act the same because they are bisexual. Or because they're men. I do still believe everyone has a right to date whom they want to be clear.

    I feel uneasy with that first line "I have a right to know if a potential partner is bi". I have to sit with that for a minute before I can fully explain why that makes me uncomfortable.

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  • [+] -6 points 5 days ago (3 children)

    I think you would have to have a deep cultural understanding of the rural deep south village of a couple of hundred deeply indoctrinated people. In a perfect world, it would be different. In a different community or location it may be different.

    It's not any of those and every failure and all the work gets dumped on women anyway, when when people know it's the man's proclivities. This is still the times women who go nowhere and have no friends are expected to "agree" she infected her man, rather than her promiscuous man infecting her and still don't know where it came from, and will continue to infect women knowing they're infected because, "a man's going to be a man."

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  • [–] [S] 13 points 5 days ago (2 children)

    As someone fully entrenched in the PNW corner of the US, that may be exactly where our differences in views come from.

    Even if men are more likely to be cheaters, it’s still against all of my own held beliefs to treat all men as if they are cheaters. It’s a difference in systemic behaviors vs the individual. We can talk about the propensity for men to cheat, that our society ignores or otherwise condones men cheating, without assuming every single man will cheat.

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  • [–] 16 points 5 days ago (1 child)

    @Maeve @velma I firmly disagree with the statement “I have a right to know if a potential partner is bi”.

    There are no reason for anyone to be entitled to knowing a potential partner's sexual orientation or potential transidentity. That works for other private info.

    Said potential partners, however, have the right to flee those who ask.

    You prefer knowing it, because of your traumatic experiences, that's vastly different. Understandable need, and it **can** be better to discuss it, but still not a right.

    One has no reason to trust a mere "potential partner" with such a sensitive info. Especially in a place with strong anti-lgbt social standards or laws.

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