Autism and narcissism (multiverse.soulism.net)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by to c/autism@lemmy.world
 

Autism, as a word, is Latin for self-ism. It was named in the early days of Psychiatry by doctors who didn't understand what it was like for us. But what they noticed was, we seemed more preoccupied with ourselves than other people, so they called the condition self-ism in Latin.

Narcissism comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who was cursed by Nemesis to fall in love with his reflection (see Conon, Ovid). So Narcissism is also named after this idea of being preoccupied with yourself. And there hasn't been as much social progress on NPD, so a lot of people still think the same way today.

Etymologically speaking, the disorders are named pretty much the same. Early psychiatrists thought that these two conditions looked pretty similar to one another from the outside. And as someone with both autism and NPD, I get it, mate.

I've got reduced cognitive empathy from My autism, and the ability to voluntarily suppress affective empathy from My NPD. Affective empathy is the ability to sense others' feelings, and cognitive empathy is the ability to sense others' thoughts. So neurotypicals literally have a (limited) ability to read minds that we autistics don't get.

And a lot of the research literature says people with NPD can't sense others' feelings, but that's not My experience. I can choose not to feel others' feelings, when I want. I think I picked up the ability from being abused and guilt tripped as a kid. Now that I'm grown up, I get to choose whether I'm susceptible to attempts to abuse Me with My empathy. For example, a few weeks ago My bio mum told Me that My dead sister was abused by our adoptive parents, while I was the "golden child". My sister went out to suicide, so I think most egotypicals would get survivor's guilt from that. But I have NPD to protect Me from that kind of abuse, I'm used to shrugging that stuff off.

So there are lots of differences between the two. But also similarities. NPD is a mix of genetics and trauma, while autism is purely genetic. Both give Me meltdowns sometimes, when sensory stress or ego stress get to be too much. I have times when I have to mask both of them, and times when I don't and I might be accepted, or I might get in social trouble.

And both of them give Me a really acute sense of just how fake all of society is. Both of them motivate Me to defy social norms. Both give Me a strong justice sensitivity. I can't stand to see something I think is wrong or unfair.

So anyway, ask Me anything about living with NPD! I want to chat and make My experience of neurodivergence understood!

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[–] 4 points 1 week ago

The naming makes an unfortunate sense.

Autism (among other things) disrupts your ability to read other people. This is a critical first step in empathising and socialising. We often learn to do this manually, but it's an exhausting process.

Narcissists overly weigh their own feelings and opinions higher than others. This is useful for mental self defense, but can be problematic with social interactions later.

Sociopaths can read emotions fine, but don't generate the emotional empathy response expected. Most can learn to fake it, but there are technically no social limiters on their behaviour. Best case, you have doctors playing god to snatch someone back from death, by taking blades to their skin, and power tools to their bones. Worst case is a serial killer playing the same games the other way.

Externally however, all 3 can present similarly. An autistic can't read, a narcissist won't read, and a sociopath won't care. They all break the same chain. The big difference is the internal states.

I personally thought I was alarmingly sociopathic, until I realised that autism wrapped in narcissistic armour looks the same externally. I can care, when I connect. I had to manually build the emotional reading stage however, that gives me an "off switch" that behaves very much like narcissism.

It's worth noting, I wasn't abused or anything to develop this. It was facing a normal life with an incomplete toolbox, and a lack of guidance on that front. A cycle I am braking with my own offspring. A task that seems to be going spectacularly so far.

Also, none of those traits are bad in their own right, only when misused. If you can look at yourself and say, this is the person I truly want to be, then go with it. I had to shatter and rebuild a good chunk of my personality tonne who I wanted to be. My autistic and ADHD nature are rocks within that. I wouldn't give them up (pros and cons) if given the choice.

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