Autism and narcissism (multiverse.soulism.net)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by to c/autism@lemmy.world
 

Autism, as a word, is Latin for self-ism. It was named in the early days of Psychiatry by doctors who didn't understand what it was like for us. But what they noticed was, we seemed more preoccupied with ourselves than other people, so they called the condition self-ism in Latin.

Narcissism comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who was cursed by Nemesis to fall in love with his reflection (see Conon, Ovid). So Narcissism is also named after this idea of being preoccupied with yourself. And there hasn't been as much social progress on NPD, so a lot of people still think the same way today.

Etymologically speaking, the disorders are named pretty much the same. Early psychiatrists thought that these two conditions looked pretty similar to one another from the outside. And as someone with both autism and NPD, I get it, mate.

I've got reduced cognitive empathy from My autism, and the ability to voluntarily suppress affective empathy from My NPD. Affective empathy is the ability to sense others' feelings, and cognitive empathy is the ability to sense others' thoughts. So neurotypicals literally have a (limited) ability to read minds that we autistics don't get.

And a lot of the research literature says people with NPD can't sense others' feelings, but that's not My experience. I can choose not to feel others' feelings, when I want. I think I picked up the ability from being abused and guilt tripped as a kid. Now that I'm grown up, I get to choose whether I'm susceptible to attempts to abuse Me with My empathy. For example, a few weeks ago My bio mum told Me that My dead sister was abused by our adoptive parents, while I was the "golden child". My sister went out to suicide, so I think most egotypicals would get survivor's guilt from that. But I have NPD to protect Me from that kind of abuse, I'm used to shrugging that stuff off.

So there are lots of differences between the two. But also similarities. NPD is a mix of genetics and trauma, while autism is purely genetic. Both give Me meltdowns sometimes, when sensory stress or ego stress get to be too much. I have times when I have to mask both of them, and times when I don't and I might be accepted, or I might get in social trouble.

And both of them give Me a really acute sense of just how fake all of society is. Both of them motivate Me to defy social norms. Both give Me a strong justice sensitivity. I can't stand to see something I think is wrong or unfair.

So anyway, ask Me anything about living with NPD! I want to chat and make My experience of neurodivergence understood!

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[–] 4 points 1 week ago* (1 child)

I'll be honest this is the first time I had hope for interactions with people with narcisim and myself! Thank you. I've had some really awful experences with abusiveness from people with NPD and a sharp clash of between my sense of justice and their's. It unfortunately felt like with them that it was just a game of extreme masking to protect they're ego because my typical behaviors would draw unwanted attention to they're flaws. You're self awareness feels like they're might be a way to both be genuine with you while also respecting your desire for ego protection, which tbh I just haven't gamed out as a n option :)

In your experience though, what recommendations or examples of positive experiences have you had with social interactions with autistic people?

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 1 week ago*

    My entire polycule has autism, just like Me. We're a mix of NPD and BPD. My fiance (it/its) has BPD and autism, and I can call it here to answer your questions if you want. Most of My friends and romances have had autism.

    In terms of recommendations, I guess I want to talk about feelings of superiority. When I hang out with other folk with NPD, we both believe we're better than the other, and we're quite jovial about it. "Oh, I know you think you're so superior, and I respect your right to be wrong, but I am in fact the smartest and most attractive." We make it into a kind of game between us. We don't insult each other and we don't take issue with the other's sense of superiority. We engage in friendly banter about it. We can both choose to be cool about it.

    A lot of people think feelings of superiority will always lead to abuse, or that they are themselves abuse. I disagree. You know, everyone loves Jesus, and He thought He was better than everyone else. Imagine hanging out with Jesus. You and He both know that He's better than you, but He's not gonna use that to hurt you. He's gonna be kind to you. So imagine what you'd do if you were hanging out as Jesus. Now imagine you're hanging out with someone who thinks they're basically Jesus, and they're wrong, but it doesn't matter because they're gonna be nice to you.

    Funny thing, My partner believes I'm better than it. If I say "I'm better than you", it agrees and giggles a bit because it likes how much it thinks of Me. But if I say "You're worse than Me", that hurts its feelings. So I don't say that. There are different ways to communicate the same information, but are more kind or more cruel. So I choose the kind way that works for us on a personal level.

    And I wanna be clear, the way I talk to My partner isn't the same way I talk to random people or My friends. We're very intimate and we both find My NPD attractive. If you're just talking to Me about Star Trek, then you're maybe gonna get a sense that I feel sanctimonious, but I'm not gonna make it overt. And you get to choose how you feel about that sanctimonious, haughty manner of speech that I have. I'm an asshole, but I always try to be a kind asshole.

    Thanks for the question! Ask as many as you want!

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